DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is going to “sort out” my lover with a baseball bat after discovering our sexts.
I was messaging my fling about how much I had enjoyed our latest meeting without realising my man had walked into the room.
When he demanded to see my texts, he went ballistic, yelling with rage — and even pinned me to the wall by my throat.
I am 32 and my husband is 35. We have been married for eight years and have a son.
Now he has forced me to change my phone number and delete my social media accounts.
He demanded to know where my lover lives. I didn’t want to tell him, but I was scared of being attacked again.
On the way to my other fella’s house, he drove so fast that I thought he would kill us both.
He had a baseball bat in the boot and I knew what he was capable of.
To my relief, my lover wasn’t in, but I know this isn’t the end of it.
I know my husband will go again and do something another time.
I bitterly regret cheating. I was tempted by a bit of fun and excitement. I enjoyed the attention and loved that another guy found me attractive and made me feel special.
My affair lasted three years and I know I’ll never see him again.
I realise I’ve made a huge mistake. I still want my husband. I want to make our marriage work.
But he doesn’t and there is nothing I can do.
DEIDRE SAYS: There’s no excuse for what you did, but there is no defence for your husband’s violence, either.
Even if it was a one-off incident, he needs to face up to what he’s done.
Assaulting you was wrong and, if he attacks your lover, he will only make things so much worse.
Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247) and tell him that you won’t tolerate his aggressive, abusive behaviour.
My support pack, Abusive Partner, will help you to think this through.
A marriage can be saved after cheating if you both work at it, but if you forgive him unconditionally, you are sending a message that his behaviour was OK and accepted.
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help, but the violence has to stop.
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