HER Emmerdale character adopted a child but actress Lisa Riley says she could not, despite longing to be a mum.
The soap favourite, who plays Mandy Dingle, went through IVF with fiancé Al in 2018.
It was unsuccessful, but the upbeat 48-year-old actress says she has now accepted feeling like an “unfinished jigsaw”.
Five years ago it was revealed no-nonsense, big-hearted Mandy had raised her ex-boyfriend’s son Vinny as her own, after his father walked out when he was a youngster.
But Lisa says: “I would never adopt. I wouldn’t be able to cope because I would wake up thinking they would always want to go back to their biological parents.
“There are enough lovely people in this world that would like to adopt, but no, we are past that now.
“I am 48 and I feel like an unfinished jigsaw — that is the truth of a woman who doesn’t have children but who is OK with it.”
The actress, who first appeared in the ITV1 soap in 1995, opened up during an interview to celebrate the 30th anniversary of central characters, the Dingles.
In our chat, the bubbly star revealed she wept “real tears” in a funeral scene and how she would now welcome a stint on I’m A Celebrity, after years of being asked.
Upbeat Lisa also reveals she looks to the positives of life without kids.
With a smile, she says: “I can be a control freak so not having children has meant I’ve had freedom to do things whenever I want, which I am very appreciative of.”
Lisa has been targeted by I’m A Celebrity bosses for the past eight years — and now she is finally ready to sign up.
She says: “It is really flattering being asked. If I wanted to do the jungle, it would have to be something that had purpose, and it would be something I would do in the year of my 50th.”
Garish and close-knit, the Dingles have had their fair share of drama, causing chaos over the years.
Tomorrow night, viewers will see them say farewell to their patriarch Zak, after Steve Halliwell, the actor who played him for nearly three decades, died in December aged 77.
The family will learn that Zak has passed away in Scotland and, in touching scenes, hold a funeral full of laughter and nostalgia, with a wake at the Woolpack.
Lisa says: “It was incredibly emotional filming them. When you see Mandy cry, these are real tears. It wasn’t acting. Steve was like a father to all of us and he taught me so much about trust and to always be careful of people’s motives.
“It was also very lovely to look back with great nostalgia and relive many of the stories together.”
She said Steve’s widow Valerie and daughter Charlotte watched the filming “which meant a lot”.
In August fans saw Mandy and Paddy Kirk (Dominic Brunt) tie the knot but Lisa has no plans to do the same.
She has been with US musician Al, 54, for ten years.
They got engaged in 2018 but have ruled out marriage.
I didn’t intend coming back but I love this place so much. Being a Dingle is really special and Emmerdale is the best therapy for anyone in life
Lisa on her Emmerdale return
In the past she has said they have both felt it would be too difficult to contemplate a wedding without lost loved ones.
After six years on the soap, Lisa left in 2001 to star in various TV shows, but returned in 2019.
She says: “I didn’t intend coming back but I love this place so much. Being a Dingle is really special and Emmerdale is the best therapy for anyone in life.”
During her time away from the series, Lisa took part in Strictly, coming fifth with pro-dance partner Robin Windsor.
She and Robin became great mates thanks to the 2012 series and Lisa was devastated when he died, aged 44, in February this year.
She says: “My time on the show was perfection, utter perfection. If you watched every millimetre of our footage, you would see nothing but the camaraderie of me and Robin.”
Upbeat Lisa says as she gets older she lives a healthier and full life.
She ditched booze nine years ago, and in 2017 revealed she had lost 12 stone in 18 months, dropping from a size 28 to a 12 after overhauling her diet and exercise routine.
Her mum, Cath, died of breast cancer in 2012 at 58, but Lisa does not want to have a BRCA gene test that screens DNA to assess risk.
She says: “I’ll not have a test even though my mum, nana and granny died of cancer.
“I know others do but I don’t want to find out. I live for today; I don’t plan but I am very cancer aware and I go for regular check-ups. It’s Breast Cancer Awareness month and I have always stressed, ‘Don’t be scared if you think anything is wrong. Don’t be an ostrich’.”
Lisa, one of the most positive actresses in the business, has vowed to never change.
She says: “In my head, I am 22. Long may I always be my juvenile self. I am never going to change. I never want to sit around watching box sets, that’s not who I am. I am a doer. I love being different, I love being the black sheep and there are no filters.”
Lisa is proud that Mandy has become such a well-loved character.
She says: “I don’t think she will ever get rid of her leopard prints. Love and loyalty are the two ingredients you need to be a Dingle. It’s the tent pole that keeps us up and if you haven’t got those, you probably won’t be my friend either.
“I still love being in Emmerdale and yes of course I’d love to stay. I never take anything for granted. I’ve always said, ‘You are only as good as your last scene’.
“But what I am most proud of is the fact new generations of the Dingles are coming through in the form of Danny Miller, Bradley Johnson and Eden Taylor-Draper.
“We all never know how long we have got and it makes me the happiest ever knowing the Dingles will live on for many more years to come.”
