TWO days after her MP father was murdered by the IRA in the Brighton bombing, Jo Berry sat in a church, dismissed thoughts of revenge and vowed to try to understand his killers.
Terrorist Patrick Magee detonated a bomb during the Conservative Party Conference in October 1984, which ripped through The Grand hotel in the East Sussex town, injuring 34 and killing five, including Jo’s dad Anthony.
Now, decades on, Jo will mark this month’s 40th anniversary of the devastating attack by returning to the same church . . . and sitting next to the man who killed her beloved dad.
In a remarkable exclusive interview Jo — daughter of Tory MP Anthony Berry — reveals how she now counts Magee as a friend.
She says: “I care about him and he cares about me.
“Our friendship is born out of wanting peace out of a horrendous event.
“He is still the man who killed my father, but now he is my friend, too.”
Of returning to St James’s Church in London’s Piccadilly with Magee, Jo said: “It was the place I made the commitment to myself to not dwell on anger and to try to understand those who did this to my father and make a positive change.
“To return with Pat as my friend, four decades on, will be extremely special.”
Today, Jo reveals how she had built up the courage to meet Magee, how a poem she had written him inspired him to apologise, and how the pair forged an unlikely friendship.
Campaigner Jo, 67, now travels the world with Magee, 73, sharing their incredible story. The pair have done more than 300 talks.
She said: “When we sit together on planes, I often wonder what strangers would think if they knew our connection.
“We have had people come up to us at receptions and ask how we know each other. I have to tell the truth; that he was the man who killed my father.
“But he does not want forgiveness. Pat will never forgive himself.”
Shortly before 3am on October 12, 1984, a bomb planted behind a bathtub in Room 629 of The Grand exploded, blowing a huge hole in the hotel and sending shockwaves through international politics.
It was one of the IRA’s most significant attacks on mainland Britain during the Troubles.
The target was the Tory Party Conference and its leader Margaret Thatcher — who escaped unharmed.
Magee had spent three days in the room three weeks beforehand, planting the bomb and setting a timer for it to detonate during the conference, knowing prominent politicians would be staying there.
Sir Anthony Berry, 59, the deputy chief whip and MP for the London constituency of Enfield Southgate, had been staying in room 328.
Among those injured in the blast were his wife, Lady Sarah Berry, and the then-Trade Secretary, Norman Tebbit.
Jo, 67, said: “I was very close to my father. He was someone who had a lot of acceptance for people. He was very tolerant and compassionate.
“He loved nothing more than being with his six children and creating very special memories.
“We often talked very deeply about life and what it was all about.”
But in the early hours of that fateful morning, Jo was awoken by her twin sister, Anya, who she was staying with.
Jo recalled: “She said a bomb had gone off at The Grand. My dad was there because another minister had left early and had given him his room.
“We then saw the morning news on the TV. It was terrifying. My brother, who lived in Brighton, went to the hotel to try to find our dad and our stepmother.
“It took about eight hours before he rang up to say they had identified my dad’s body and that my stepmother, who was staying with him, was in hospital. We were devastated.
“I remember the huge shock, and then I remember a sense of, like, what do I do now?
“How am I ever going to recover from this? It was so overwhelming and so painful.”
Two days later, Jo went to St James’s Church in London’s Piccadilly.
She said: “There was a very visionary man talking and I was seated in a pew.
“Because of the extent of the pain, I was trying to find a way to bring something positive out of it. I needed a direction, a focus.
“And part of that was trying to understand those who’d killed my father.
“Because I didn’t want an enemy, but I had an enemy.
“The emotions I had were massive. That was the moment I knew I would try to turn this negative into a positive.”
But forgiveness did not come immediately.
In 1986, Magee was given eight life sentences, seven of them relating to the hotel bombing. The judge recommended he serve at least 35 years.
Jo said: “I didn’t really engage in the trial. I certainly didn’t go. I never visited or wrote to him.
“It was not something I wanted to do then as he was still aligned to the IRA.”
But in 1999, Magee was freed under the Good Friday Agreement.
Jo said: “It was a shock. I found out about his release from a TV report.
“I was angry because I thought, ‘Well, he’s got his life back. He’s a free man and my dad can’t come back. How is this fair?’.
“But then, when I calmed down, I thought, ‘OK well, this is for peace, you know, this means less people are going to be killed’.
“And that was always my aim. I didn’t want people going through what I’ve been through.
“I discovered he had got a PhD in prison, and that he was committed to peace, and eventually someone I knew said they could arrange a meeting.”
We have had people ask how we know each other. I have to tell the truth; that he was the man who killed my father. But Pat does not want forgiveness. Pat will never forgive himself
Jo Berry
So in November 2000, Jo met Patrick for the first time at a friend’s home in Dublin.
She said: “It was terrifying going over there. I felt very on my own. I didn’t plan to tell anyone.
“I saw it as one-off, and then I would never meet him again.
“I wanted to see him beyond all the labels — he was seen as the most evil terrorist we had.
“I wanted to hear his story, but I also thought, ‘Is this betraying my father by going there?’.
“At first he started talking about the political justification. He was speaking for his group, his tribe, his people, and it was very clinical. It was the talk of war, really.
“I remember, at different times, having my own conversations inside myself, like, ‘He doesn’t look like a terrorist’. ‘I shouldn’t be here’. ‘I’m with the man who killed my father’.
“I was listening and acknowledging what he had gone through. I think that surprised him.”
Then Jo read Magee a poem she had written him called Bridges Can Be Built.
She said: “When he heard the poem, he was stunned.
“He started changing. There were tears on both sides and he said, ‘I don’t know who I am any more’.
“He was disarmed at that point by my empathy.
“He became curious about my dad, which he hadn’t been, because when he planted that bomb he didn’t see any human beings in the hotel. That’s the nature of violence.
“He’d dehumanised those in the hotel in the same way he accused others of dehumanising him and all of the IRA.
“And then he said he was really sorry he killed my dad.
“When I got home, I felt disorientated, like I’d broken a society taboo. I’ve met my enemy and I’ve seen them as a human being.
“I knew there would be more meetings.” And there were.
Jo added: “It was never a friendship that early on. It took a long time to feel that.”
In the coming years, the pair met more. At her invitation, Pat began attending the talks Jo gives globally on peace and understanding for her charity, Building Bridges For Peace.
She added: “I met him to change myself and not to change him. In the process, we’ve both been changed. We both learnt and have grown.
“It’s not always easy. There are still challenges. It’s emotional.
“I’m really grateful to Pat because it’s given me so much insight.
“I call Pat my friend because I care about him, and we’ve been to places where he’s the only person I know.
“We have meals together, sit next to each other on flights, talk on the phone. Most of the time, if I say I’m feeling upset about something, he will listen, and there’s a respect there for what I’m feeling.
“He’s never tried to control or change me or dismiss what I say. He’s always taking it really seriously, and that helps the friendship.
“He often asks me about Dad. He understands the ripple effect.
“I sometimes think the journey he’s on is actually harder, because he has to live with the fact he killed a wonderful human being.
“The more he knows me, the more he knows my dad.”
On the 40th anniversary, Jo says there will be no contact with Pat, “just a private family day”.
I met him to change myself and not to change him. In the process, we’ve both been changed. We both learnt and have grown.
Jo Berry
But on October 16, she and Pat will sit side by side at an event for charity, The Forgiveness Project, at St James’s Church, where they will talk publically of their experiences.
She said: “It will be coming full circle, the completion of a journey I began 40 years ago.”
Of the global work she does — often with Magee by her side — Jo said: “It was 15 years ago that Building Bridges For Peace became a charity. I was 27 when my father died so it’s my life’s work.
“My message is one of understanding, that we can end the cycle of violence and revenge.
“I want us to create a world where all have a voice, all matter and we all have a story. I’d like us to listen to people who are different without blaming and shaming them.”
Jo added: “I think some people think I’ve betrayed my dad because I’m now friends with a man who killed him.
“They think I do that because I didn’t love my dad. But the truth is, it’s because I love my dad that I’ve done this work.”
