DEAR DEIDRE: My daughter has fallen for a married man with a terrible reputation and I know he’s only using her sex.
She’s completely in love and won’t hear that he’s just using her.
I’m a 59-year-old man, and my daughter is 27. I believe the man she’s seeing is in his early 40s, and married with a child.
My daughter is gorgeous but has always been unlucky in love. She’s had her heart broken several times, and always seems to pick men who treat her poorly.
So when she told me she’d met a lovely guy at work, who treated her well, had a good job and wanted a future with her, I was delighted.
My wife and I invited him to Sunday lunch, but she always made excuses as to why he couldn’t come.
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Eventually, she admitted it was because he has a family, who he spends his weekends with. She claimed he and his wife are ‘separated’, and only live together because of their child.
But I started asking around about this man and I learned that he has form for serial cheating. He particularly likes sex with younger women.
From what I can tell he’s set up home with my daughter during the week and then goes home to play happy families on the weekends. This isn’t the first time he’s done this.
When I tried to talk to my daughter about it, she got very upset. She said he had only cheated once in the past, and that was because he was so unhappily married.
With her, she said, it’s different: he really loves her and will soon leave his wife for her.
I know this type of man.
She’s my little girl – she deserves better than this. I can’t bear to see her hurt.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Watching someone you love make a huge mistake is painfully frustrating.
But your daughter is an adult, old enough to make her own decisions. You can’t make her end the affair.
You’ve told her what you’ve learned and how you feel. The more you repeat this, the more you could push her into his arms – and spoil your own relationship.
Make it clear to her that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk.
Hopefully, what you’ve said will have sunk in, and she’ll begin to have doubts herself.
My support pack. Your Lover Not Free, might be helpful for you to read.
