DEAR DEIDRE: OVER the course of our 25-year marriage, my wife has cheated on me again and again, yet I’ve always forgiven her.
I’ve caught her at it at a party, and even in our home. Now I wish I had never married her.
I’m 54 and she’s 52. We have two grown-up children.
The first time she cheated was when we were in our early twenties, and dating.
We went to a party and at some point she disappeared, so I went upstairs to look for her.
There was a queue outside the loo. As I passed, the door opened and she came out, looking sheepish and dishevelled, followed by a guy I didn’t recognised.
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It was obvious what they had been doing. She apologised and begged me to forgive her, blaming alcohol.
Stupidly, I agreed to move on. Then, when we were first married, she went abroad with work and had a one-night stand.
I only found out when a mutual friend let it slip because she thought I already knew.
Once, when our kids were young, I came home early from work to find her in bed with a guy who had come to build our loft extension.
Again, she made me forgive her, this time blaming her actions on feeling neglected and unattractive.
And now, I’ve learned she has been having an affair with an old friend. I discovered gifts he had given her and she confessed.
Those are just the infidelities I know of. It’s possible there are more.
I feel like a fool. Because I loved her and wanted to do the right thing, I’ve let her destroy my happiness for ever.
I don’t know how to get past this. I’ve wasted my life with her and now it’s too late to go back.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is not your fault. You’ve tried to do the right thing, and your wife has taken advantage of your kindness and love for her.
Often, I tell couples they can get over cheating. But in your case, I think it’s perhaps time to walk away.
Your wife asks for forgiveness but doesn’t change her behaviour.
It is not too late for you to rebuild your life and find happiness.
But first you need assistance to deal with your feelings. Counselling would help – see my support pack about this.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
