DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has a porn habit and has now befriended a sex worker on Facebook.
We are both 55 and have been married for 28 years.
I’m a housewife and he works in finance. I’ve brought up our four children, who have all left home.
I thought our marriage was good.
We hardly ever argue and we both have outside interests. My husband is a football coach for under-13s and I do a lot with the local church and school.
Our sex life is OK, but I don’t always want to get intimate these days.
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I know he likes porn and sometimes he’ll ask if I want to watch it with him. I always say no.
Recently, though, he got Covid and he seemed to spend too long in bed, considering he’s had his vaccinations. I caught him three times looking at X-rated content on his iPad.
He apologised and seemed to recover pretty quickly after that, but it got me thinking.
I looked at the iPad yesterday and his Facebook tab was still open.
He’d been chatting to a woman who was practically naked in her profile picture.
She has fake breasts, botox lips and hair extensions. She’s everything I’m not. I can’t move past this.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He’s not being fair to you. Pornography can quickly go from a habit to an addiction, but chatting to a sex worker online is personal and undoubtedly a betrayal.
Find a moment to tell him that you feel your relationship is unravelling, and explain to him what you need to allow you to feel loved. Then you ask the same of him.
It doesn’t sound as if he’s physically cheated in real life but, if he’s talking or sexting other people online, his attention is not on you, where it should be.
My support packs, Saving Your Sex Life and How To Look After Your Relationship, may help you, too.
