JERMAINE Jenas grimaced as he relived the excruciating moment his texts were read back to him in full in front of his BBC colleagues.
The former England footballer turned presenter, 41, was fired by the BBC after sending “inappropriate texts” to two female colleagues.
Jenas revealed he was axed by the BBC on Monday, while on a family holiday with his wife Ellie and their three kids.
After being sacked , Jenas — in an excruciating online meeting with HR and senior corporation execs — was shown a string of X-rated messages he had sent two colleagues on The One Show.
During his getaway to Marbella, Spain, Jenas described sitting in on the call as “pretty hellish”.
Jenas said: “It was just a grim situation. You’re having to sit there and listen to what you’ve said. I’m not proud of anything.
“It’s embarrassing, and obviously there’s four people there on a Zoom call, basically, just listening to all of this, and reading out my messages. I think I was in shock at the time, there was a lot to process.
“But I’m the married one, I’m at fault, and I was sort of playing this blame game in my head.
“The overriding panic by a mile was that I could lose my family.
“There’s something in me that’s praying there is some level of mercy or understanding of the fact we’re human beings and we all make mistakes, some bigger than others and mine is a big mistake.
“But that didn’t happen, and yeah the whole situation was pretty hellish — and right now I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling, but I don’t think I have ever been lower.”
However, the defiant former footie star, who is considering suing the BBC for their handling of the crisis, insists: “I did nothing illegal — these were inappropriate messages between two consenting adults.”
While Jenas has been referred to a therapist by his doctor, he fears his two eldest daughters — who are 11 and 16 — may fall victim to bullying because of his antics.
Jenas said: “There have been difficult conversations to have with my 16-year-old and my 11-year-old.
“They’re obviously of an age where they’re aware of social media and other bits and pieces. That’s been hard.
“I’ve let everyone down. When you’ve got kids, man. Even my dog looked at me disappointed.
“But with the kids, I think this is where I’m hoping the help will go a long way for me.
“There are certain moments where I’m doing certain things where it’s just a complete, almost like a blackout of what I’m doing and I can’t be behaving like that.
“I can’t be taking so many risks with my own life, essentially.”
Praising Ellie as an “amazing mother”, he said she was solely focused on the care of their two daughters and young son.
Jenas explained: “It’s just about the children right now. It’s the school holidays and they’re trapped in the house because photographers are outside my house.
“They’re like, ‘What’s going on, Daddy?’. It’s tough.”
He added: “I’ve got to take responsibility and I’ve apologised to all of them.
“I don’t know what to say about that, to be honest with you.
“It’s just hard at home for the kids right now. My wife’s a real one.”
Jenas, who also has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship, said Ellie has kicked him out of the bedroom the couple share at their £1million home in Hertfordshire.
He added: “I had to tell [Ellie] by Monday evening because I knew then that I’d been fired.
“I just said, ‘I’ve been sacked from the BBC’.
“She said, ‘What for?’, and I said, ‘For sending text messages that weren’t appropriate to two girls’.
“Ellie is absolutely raging. She’s human.
“We’ve not really spoken properly since. She’s absolutely raging.”
