DEAR DEIDRE: MY homophobic husband cut off our daughter when she came out as gay, and I can’t forgive him.
To punish him, I have now decided I will never have sex with him again. But I’m so miserable.
I’m 47 and my husband is 49. Our daughter is 18.
Although I am not a believer, my husband is a strict Catholic. Despite our differences, his religious beliefs weren’t a problem in our marriage.
Then, three months ago, our daughter revealed she’s a lesbian. I have long suspected this, so it was no surprise and I told her I would always be there for her.
But her dad said he couldn’t accept it – that she was no longer a part of our family and should leave. Our daughter was devastated, and I was horrified at his reaction.
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Since then he has relented, saying she can live at home, but he doesn’t ever want to know if she dates a woman. I find his attitude so offensive and cruel.
I have decided if she is not “allowed” to have sex, then neither is he.
But I’m so unhappy and I’m not sure I want to continue in the marriage.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like you never believed your husband would put his religious beliefs before his love for your daughter.
This has shocked you and changed your feelings for him, even though he has partially relented.
Keeping your anger inside and going on a sex strike is not healthy and will not help your relationship.
It is important to talk to your husband about how you feel, and work out whether there is a way forward for your marriage.
Couple counselling would be a good idea for you both. It will allow you to discuss your feelings and differences in a safe space. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
My support pack on Counselling will tell you more about this.
