My narcissistic partner makes me terrified for the future

DEAR DEIDRE: It’s finally dawned on me that my partner is a total narcissist, and I’m scared for my future.

Everyone warned me about him, but I was too blinded by love to believe them. Now I feel miserable and trapped.

I’m 40 and he’s 45. We’ve been together for three years, and living together for one.

At the start of our relationship, he was so charming. He bought me endless gifts and took me away for romantic weekends.

But there were red flags I didn’t spot: he always wanted me to stay at his place, and would never come to mine, and he had no interest in meeting or spending time with my friends.

Since we moved in together, all the charm has gone. Now he is mean, puts me down and makes me doubt myself.

We haven’t had sex since for almost a year. He just doesn’t seem interested.

He complains when I go out, is rude to my friends and family, and has driven everyone away. Then he tells me I have no friends because I’m horrible.

Things have deteriorated so much that I’m now sleeping in the spare room. He used to come home drunk and wake me up to have a go at me, so I moved out of our bedroom.

I can’t take it anymore. What can I do?

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DEIDRE SAYS: From your description, he does indeed sound like a narcissist.

He began the relationship by ‘love bombing’ you and now he is gaslighting you – which are typical traits.

He’s trying to isolate you from your friends and family and is abusive.
I’m sorry to say but things won’t get better. You need to leave before he destroys all your confidence.

Reach out to your friends and family and tell them you need help; I’m sure they’ll be there for you.

It would also be helpful for you to read my support pack, Addictive Love, which describes this kind of toxic relationship and has sources of help.