DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend won’t move out of her parents’ house because she has it so good there.
She has been brought up being ridiculously spoiled by her mother and father and is a real daddy’s girl.
I’m 33 and my girlfriend is 27. We’ve been together for four years. I want to buy somewhere with her, but she insists on being pampered at home.
She works but still loves having everything laid out for her on a silver platter.
From washing and ironing her clothes to cooking her meals, her parents won’t let her lift a finger.
I’ve had to work for everything I have, yet she expects me to buy her whatever she wants.
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It is always me forking out. She doesn’t ever treat me, other than for birthdays or Christmas.
She has no idea what things cost. If she stays with me, she doesn’t help with any chores.
When she buys things, she often uses her dad’s credit card.
I asked her once if she is embarrassed that everything she has in life has just been handed to her.
She got defensive and we argued and she says it isn’t her job to spoil me.
However, I do love her despite everything.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Lasting relationships need give and take on both sides but your girlfriend expects you to do all the giving.
The more you do, the more she’ll let you – it’s called “learned helplessness”.
Tell her you’ve realised you are doing your relationship no favours.
She won’t develop into a responsible adult unless she gets involved in the workload.
When she stays, share out the tasks with her by drawing up a rota.
Tell her calmly that this must change if your relationship is to last.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help get this across.
If she can’t see how vital this is, she is not the girl for you.
