DEAR DEIDRE: I’M terrified that my cheating ex-wife is trying to replace me in our children’s lives.
We’re both 42 and have a ten-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son.
Last year my world fell apart when I found out my wife had cheated on me with a colleague of hers.
I was so embarrassed. The affair had been going on for two years but I had no idea.
I thought we were happy together – I didn’t know she felt “that the spark between us had fizzled out”.
We separated and I moved out of the family home.
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We have always been civil, doing days out with our kids to try to make things as easy as possible for them.
But now she wants to introduce this man to them – and the thought of it is driving me insane.
I’m still in love with my wife and this man has already stolen her from me.
Now it seems as though he’s trying to steal my children away from me too.
Our marriage had never been perfect but we had always been a team.
My ex-wife says they now want the three of us to take the children to Disneyland Paris together but I couldn’t bear it.
I’ve told my ex-wife that I don’t want anything to do with him.
The only reason this man hasn’t met my children yet is because my daughter says she doesn’t want to meet him.
My daughter says that she doesn’t want a step-dad.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but what can I do to stop this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, there isn’t anything you can possibly do to change her mind regarding your relationship.
I would recommend you read my Moving On support pack, which can help you understand how to pick up the pieces in your life and go forwards.
Your children will probably feel shocked and uncomfortable with the idea of meeting this new man because of him being involved in the end of your marriage.
But it’s important to keep things amicable with your ex-wife, even if you feel uncomfortable with her, for the sake of your kids.
Children of divorced or separated parents will need extra reassurance and support during this time.
My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more about their thoughts and feelings during these types of situations.
