DEAR DEIDRE: Until a girls’ holiday in Ibiza earlier this year, I thought I was happily married.
But since forming an intense connection with a married man who I had incredible sex with, everything at home feels so dull.
I can’t shake off the feeling that I should be with my amazing holiday romance.
I’m 36, my husband is 39 and we’ve been married for seven years.
I had never realised that there was anything missing in our relationship until meeting my fling.
He’s 42 and was on a work trip. He struck up a conversation with me at the bar and our connection was evident from the start.
He’s in the music business and has a magnetic quiet confidence.
After that first evening, we met on the beach every evening for a beer and watched the sun go down together.
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We started to go swimming and while we couldn’t keep away from each other, neither of us wanted to be unfaithful. It took all our strength to resist each other.
But on the last night we agreed we’d have sex ‘just once’.
It ended up being the hottest night of my life and neither of us slept a wink. I’ve never been with a man who was so keen to please.
Ever since, we’ve been in constant communication, with him regularly confiding in me about his marriage problems.
While I still love my husband dearly, our relationship doesn’t compare and it’s becoming progressively harder to fake it.
I’m in a mess.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your holiday fling was so intense because, away from the daily grind of chores and responsibility, everything felt perfect, ideal even. You had time and were relaxed.
I’m sorry to spoil the party, but no one can stay on holiday forever.
When you think of this man, you are conjuring up a fantasy of how you hope life would be, not the reality of what is.
You say that you love your husband but your connection doesn’t measure up, but it is unfair to compare your seven-year marriage to the thrill of a fling.
Before you make any big decisions, you owe it to your husband to try to fix things.
Some counselling as a couple – or on your own – would help you put things into perspective and decide if you can make your marriage work. Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org) offers online counselling.
Please don’t start another relationship until you have given your best effort to your current one.
