My marriage is a failure but my wife won’t address our issues

DEAR DEIDRE: My marriage is a failure but I carry on pretending everything is fine because my wife simply refuses to talk about any issues.

I’m 59 and she’s 57. We’ve been married for 35 years. It was a shotgun wedding because she got pregnant and our parents pressured us to marry before our daughter was born.

She is a strong woman and she’s alluded to having been badly hurt in her two relationships before me.

Still she won’t go into any detail and it’s made her so angry and bitter.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve tried to get her to open up. I’ve never been successful.

We have been living in the same home for our entire married life pretending everything is fine when it is not. We really don’t know one another at all. I just want my wife to be at peace with herself.

I want to be free of her but at the same time I don’t want to divorce.
Would separating be the solution?

DEIDRE SAYS: If you’re faking being happy in a relationship, you deprive yourself of a satisfying, happy life.

There may be many reasons why your wife refuses to talk about it. It may be difficult to share the hurt and pain, making herself vulnerable, even after all this time.

Some people prefer to suppress their feelings and never speak up, choosing instead to cope in their own way.

But this has left her feeling angry and bitter and neither of you are living an authentic life.

If she won’t talk to you, perhaps you could suggest you both talk to a couples counsellor who can help her move on and work out if there is any hope for your marriage.

My support pack How Counselling Helps explains more.