A MUM who evicted her hubby from their bed eight years ago due to his “freight train” snoring claims it’s saved their relationship – and even boosted their sex life.
One in six British couples who live together now sleep apart, with over a third having done so for over five years, research by the National Bed Federation found.
Despite its rising popularity, “sleep divorce” (A.K.A sleeping in a separate room to your beau) is still viewed with negative connotations.
But that’s something self-styled “cranky mum” Alexis Scott wants to change.
Alexis slapped her husband Brian with a sleep divorce ultimatum shortly after getting hitched in August 2015 as she couldn’t handle constantly losing sleep over his nocturnal noises.
The 41-year-old was only managing four hours of kip a night and found her sleep deprivation was causing arguments.
Although the couple sleep separately, business owner Alexis said it’s improved their sex life as they have “more energy” to be intimate.
Who said sleep divorce can’t be sexy?
Brian, 55, was originally miffed by the ultimatum but has ultimately conceded that it’s good for their relationship as he can “snore, fart, and roll around without upsetting” his wife.
“He snored like a freight train, it was awful,” Alexis tells.
“I was just mad at him, he was the reason I wasn’t getting sleep.
“I felt bad for being mad at him because he can’t really control it but at the same time it was his fault.
“I was lucky if I could somehow fall asleep before him but then I would still be woken up in the middle of the night at some point because his snoring was so loud.
“And if I couldn’t fall asleep before him, good luck falling asleep at all.
“I was getting maybe four hours of broken sleep, it was like having an infant being woken up at various points throughout the night.
“When I don’t get sleep I’m very emotional and short-tempered, I was very cranky all the time.
Thomas Høegh Reisenhus, TEMPUR® sleep specialist & sleep counsellor, reveals the key components of a good bedtime routine and environment...
A sure-fire way to facilitate a better night’s sleep is to practice good sleep hygiene.
Establish a sleep routine that works for you and stick to it.
This will help your body establish a consistent, natural sleep-wake cycle which can do wonders for your overall sleep quality.
As such, try to avoid making up for lost sleep with a lie-in.
Instead of sleeping in, spend your morning reading a book in bed or having a leisurely coffee in the kitchen.
Ensure that your bedroom, bedding, and sleepwear are fit for purpose too.
The ideal sleep environment is dark, quiet, and cool – much like a cave.
If you find unwelcome sources of light are keeping you up, consider investing in an eye mask or black-out curtains.
Adding soft furnishings can be a great way to reduce noise, with the surfaces having an absorptive quality, but if this doesn’t work, consider embracing a soothing soundtrack to block it out.
In terms of temperature, try to keep your bedroom at 18°C. You can further reduce the risk of waking up due to overheating by ensuring that all your bedding and sleepwear is made with natural, breathable materials such as cotton and linen.
Bear in mind that everyone is different; what might work for most, may not work for you!
Whilst knowing how much sleep you should get, how to overcome common barriers, and practicing good sleep hygiene can facilitate a great night’s sleep, if you continue to struggle with sleep or fatigue persistently, do not hesitate to visit a doctor or health professional for support.
“It caused arguments between us, no-one was winning at that point.”
The mum-of-two said she initially moved into a separate room “out of frustration”, before booting Brian out into the guest bedroom permanently.
“People’s concern is that you’re not going to find time to be intimate with your spouse,” Alexis adds.
“We certainly find time for that.
People’s concern is that you’re not going to find time to be intimate with your spouse. We certainly find time for that. We have more energy to be intimate
Alexis Scott
“We have more energy to be intimate.
“Who wants to do that with someone that they just want to smother with a pillow because they haven’t slept at all?
“We can have intimate times and romantic times and cuddle and all those things, but that doesn’t mean that I necessarily mean that I have to sleep next to you.
“There are times in the morning he’ll get into bed and I’ll drink my coffee and we talk, just as you would if you’d slept the night together – the only difference is not sleeping in the same room.”
There are times in the morning he’ll get into bed and I’ll drink my coffee and we talk, just as you would if you’d slept the night together – the only difference is not sleeping in the same room
Alexis Scott
Happier than ever, Alexis claims their sleeping arrangements are a “big component” in the success of their marriage.
“At first it was out of frustration, I was so upset, I couldn’t take it anymore,” she says.
“Then I realised, ‘oh my goodness, this is actually a solution’.
“I think my husband was a little bit sad at first but now he’s at the point where he doesn’t want to sleep with me either.
I’d say sleep divorce is a big component in why we’re still married. It gives us both the opportunity to be as rested as possible
Alexis Scott
“He was having to deal with me not being my best self, so he was stressed if he was waking me up.
“Once I moved out we were both able to just sleep and not worry about the other person, we’re both so much happier.
“I’d say it’s a big component in why we’re still married.
“It gives us both the opportunity to be as rested as possible, with two well-rested adults comes better communication [and] just generally a happier disposition.
“I’m not resentful towards him, I can be a more loving wife. There’s no going back.”
The separate sleeping arrangements continue even when they jet off on holiday, with Alexis claiming the cost of an extra room is “worth it”.
After the success of the pair’s sleep divorce, the mum now encourages other couples to follow suit and not to give into “societal pressure” to always share a bed with your beau.
