DEAR DEIDRE: I’M concerned about my partner’s shopping habits.
We’re both 60 and have been together for five years.
When we got together, I had to help her clear up several debts that her two adult children had racked up.
Back then my partner worked in a cafe and was earning the bare minimum.
We both worked hard to get the debts cleared. Recently she started a new job with a much bigger salary.
I thought she would begin paying a fairer share of the household bills but this hasn’t been the case.
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She also claimed she didn’t have any spare cash, which I thought was odd until I found a new pair of Nike shoes in our cupboard.
I immediately realised where all her money is going – on her grandkids, not on our household bills, which I have been struggling to pay.
She did admit the trainers were for her grandson, but when I asked her what else she’d bought for them she flew into a rage.
Her children constantly ask her for handouts, but surely we need to agree where our money goes together.
She ended up walking out of the house and I haven’t seen her since.
I’m desperate for her to come home – this was only a few days ago and I don’t know what to do any more.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: While it’s normal that your partner may want to help her children and grandchildren, you two are in a relationship – and if you are going to make it work, you need to decide between yourselves how much money she should contribute towards joint bills.
After that, any spare funds can be spent as she would like.
In short, you both need to agree what you feel is reasonable.
Can you contact your partner and ask to meet her on neutral ground to discuss what you both feel would be fair?
My support pack Family Finances will help you. Explain how you’re feeling and that you want her to come home.
However, if she refuses to come back, you may need to just accept it.
My support pack on Mending A Broken Heart could help if she decides to end the relationship.
