WITH a No1 podcast, a “really hot” (her words) fiancé and a dramatic EastEnders storyline that’s gripping millions of viewers, Natalie Cassidy ought to be full of confidence.
But the actress says she is still plagued by body insecurities.
She reveals: “I can be somewhere and feel a million dollars and not even think about my weight.
“But put me in another situation, with a different group of people, and I’ll feel like the ugliest person in the room.
“And that is me being 100 per cent honest.”
Despite regular sessions on her Peloton bike, and eating a healthy diet, the mum of two struggles to accept her figure.
“I still don’t have that confidence,” she says.
“I still don’t want to put a swimming costume on.
“I don’t think I’ve ever — no matter what weight I’ve been — thought, ‘I look really good today’, standing naked in front of a mirror.
“I’ve been 7st and 12st and I’ve never thought that.”
Natalie, 41, who has played Albert Square favourite Sonia Fowler for 31 years, first became aware of her weight as a child, when she was branded “fat” by school bullies.
She says: “People used to call me Fat Nat all the time at school and it didn’t bother me. I’d bat it off. I’ve always been bigger.”
She says her “puppy fat” was the result of her beloved mum Evelyn — who died of cancer in 2002, aged 63 — being a “feeder”.
Natalie fondly recalls: “She was a proud mother and housewife and food was the language of love in my house.
“I could have four or five bags of crisps of a night and no one would say, ‘Don’t have those’.”
The actress, who is engaged to TV cameraman Marc Humphreys, famously slimmed down while filming a weight loss DVD, Then & Now, in 2007.
And it’s something she bitterly regrets to this day, once confessing she was “bordering on having an eating disorder”.
“When I did my DVD, I lost 4st in three months and then I put it all back on again — and more — within less time,” says Nat, who bagged a £100,000 fee for the project.
“That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, doing that stupid DVD.
“I felt really ashamed of myself.
“When I look back, doing that was the start of my issues with food. Because I never thought about it before then. I was a very confident person.”
Over the years, she has fluctuated between a size six and a 16, but recently discovered an eating plan that suits her lifestyle.
When I did my DVD, I lost 4st in three months and then I put it all back on again — and more — within less time
Natalie
“I love the fasting stuff – it works for me,” she says. “I’m not hungry in the mornings, so I’ll wait until 12pm to eat.”
Intermittent fasting is popular with stars including Halle Berry, Kourtney Kardashian and Heidi Klum, and there are an average 140,000 online searches in the UK for the diet craze every month.
It works by leaving longer periods of time between meals, so the body breaks down stored fat for energy.
While she might still be body conscious, Natalie has learnt from her mistakes and knows exactly what does — and doesn’t — work for her.
Opening up on her podcast, Life With Nat, about the time she got her Body Mass Index into the healthy “green” zone — between 18.5 and 24.9 — she says: “When my BMI is in the green, I look ridiculous, emaciated.
“When I got to a green BMI, I looked like a lollipop head.”
As a mum, Natalie is careful how she talks about weight around her daughters, Eliza, 13, and Joanie, seven.
Especially as Eliza — who she had with her ex, Adam Cottrell — has already experienced some teasing.
“People at school are rude to her, calling her fat. I’m trying to be really, really aware of what I say in front of Eliza,” Natalie says.
Be grateful. We’ve got to try and look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m so lucky to be looking in the mirror and being here’
“She’ll hear me on the phone saying, ‘I looked like a hippo today’. It sticks with the kids.
“Eliza will say, ‘My legs, Mummy!’ and I’ll say she’s very lucky to have legs. So let’s enjoy having legs.”
After three decades as EastEnders’ Sonia, and with 485,000 Instagram followers, Natalie is a role model to many.
So she was horrified to find a slimming pill brand has been using her image to promote their products on Facebook without her consent.
“I’m really angry when I get messages saying, ‘I’ve bought these pills because your face was on there’,” she says.
“It’s really dangerous and upsetting. And I can’t do anything about it.”
Rather than looking for quick fixes online, Natalie wants to encourage her fans to accept their bodies as they are.
“Be grateful,” she says. “We’ve got to try and look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m so lucky to be looking in the mirror and being here’.
“Let’s have fun and not worry about what we look like and not compare ourselves. We’re all spinning a lot of plates.
“We’re looking after children, or parents, or siblings, we’re working, we’re worrying about finance.
“With so much going on, how can we beat ourselves up about what we’re eating?”
