DEAR DEIDRE: Trying to communicate with my wife about the impact of her refusing sex with me, is like banging my head against a brick wall.
We’ve been married for eight months and together for four years. We had sex on our honeymoon three times and as soon as we got home, sex was off the cards.
There’s so much love between us but something has happened and I don’t know what it is.
She’s 34 and I’m 36. I’ve done lots of research into why her libido is so low but she has done zero research. She won’t see the doctor or a therapist with me.
I try to instigate sex but she makes me feel like a sex pest as she pushes my arms away.
She says I’m too sex-focused yet I’m not. I‘m crabby and frustrated. I just want to feel loved and be touched. We used to have sex all the time but it’s stopped.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She may have felt that now you are married, she no longer needs to put the effort in.
Sex may not have been something she enjoyed but she hasn’t told you.
If she won’t get any therapy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t go alone. Find a moment to tell her that you can’t live like this and go to see a counsellor who can help you. She may see that she’s going to lose you unless something changes.
A counselling session would help her to open up and talk if she feels safe. My support pack How Counselling Works will help.
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