DEAR DEIDRE: I WOULD love to spend more time with my partner but I don’t want to go to her house because the atmosphere there is awful.
She was in an abusive relationship previously and her children have had a very tough life.
They are 12 and 13 and are very poorly behaved – extremely disrespectful and rude. I have two children from my previous relationship and they could not be more different.
I am 44 and my partner is 42. We have been together for almost three years.
She is aware of how I feel and tries to make the situation better, but ultimately no matter what she does it’s never great.
She tells me not to compare my children with hers as not everyone has the stability that they had.
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Daily life for her and her kids is so chaotic, upsetting and stressful.
We do genuinely love one another so much but the children are constantly coming between us. I simply refuse to accept their poor behaviour.
I don’t see the situation improving. In fact, it just gets worse every day.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner may be perfect for you, but falling in love with someone who has children from a previous relationship can be challenging.
You have realised that you are struggling to accept that your partner and her children come as a package.
They have been through so much and it will take time for the children to settle down. It sounds as though you have doubts about whether you can handle that.
Talk to your partner about your feelings but do it without being critical, focusing on how you feel, rather her children’s behaviour.
My support pack on Stepfamily Issues may help you.
