DEAR DEIDRE: After months of struggling with our sex life, I’ve discovered that my wife is openly cheating with one of my colleagues – she isn’t even bothering to hide it.
I’m 36, she’s 34 and we’ve been married for six years.
I knew our relationship was in trouble but even still I got a shock when I walked past our local pub and saw the two of them cuddling up in our local pub’s beer garden.
Until eight months ago we have always shared amazing sexual chemistry but things went south after I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
Our sex life took a massive hit as I struggled to get and maintain an erection. While the doctor said it was a common side effect, it hit our relationship hard.
As much as I tried to reassure her, I could tell it was getting her down, and eventually, she started avoiding sex altogether.
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I tried everything to reignite our spark, from organising dates to buying Viagra, but she never seemed interested.
It wasn’t long before I started noticing that things were off. She started working late a lot and going out a lot with her work friends.
While a part of me suspected she could be cheating, I didn’t want to believe it.
But spotting them kissing in a corner of the pub’s garden meant I couldn’t deny I had a big problem.
I remembered that I’d seen them chatting at my Christmas work party, but I could never have imagined that it would lead to this.
I was so devastated that I left without saying a word and to this day she has no idea that I know.
Where do I go from here?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Being betrayed by the person you love will feel devastating but the longer you stay silent the worse it’ll be for your relationship.
Your trust has been shattered and the only way you can rebuild is by working through it together.
Be honest with your wife. Let her know what you saw and how hurt you feel.
With the right support, it is possible to move on from her cheating but this is something you will have to do as a couple.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both.
There is so much more to intimacy than penetrative sex and it would definitely be worth considering sex therapy as part of couples counselling. Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1975) can help.
