My second wife wants me to be buried with her – but I have other plans

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN we die my second wife wants me to be buried with her but my children will be upset if I’m not laid to rest with their mum.

My first wife and I bought a plot together, where she is now buried, alongside her mum.

There is even space on the headstone for my inscription.

I’m 63 and my wife is 61. We have been married for five years.

My first wife, the mother of our two children, died almost a decade ago.

But my second wife is insisting that I should be buried with her. She says she doesn’t want to be left on her own.

I do love her but I will always love my late first wife too, and feel a sense of loyalty to her. I’m so torn.

Although I haven’t discussed this with my children in depth, I know they expect me to be buried in our family plot with their mum.

I am at my wit’s end with this. Even though I don’t want it, I’m starting to think the best thing would be for me to be cremated.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to be faced with this dilemma. What should I do?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It can be a comfort to have a final resting place near the ones you love.

Your children will likely come to visit your gravestone if they can pay tribute to their mum and grandmother in the same place, so it is understandable you don’t want to deprive them of this.

Sensitively explain this to your wife. Make it clear this is about your children’s wishes, and doesn’t mean she is less important to you than your first wife.

Cremation would mean your ashes could be split between your wife and your children.

But don’t do this if it isn’t what you want.

Whatever you decide, make sure you put your wishes in writing.