DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has always been a mummy’s boy but little did I know that would trigger an avalanche of sexual cheating.
When his mum dropped dead last year, it was completely unexpected.
I knew he was heartbroken and although we spoke a lot about his grief in the first month, he soon seemed to move on.
Now I realise it’s because he was busy seducing other women.
I am 39 and my husband is 41.
We have been together for ten years and have a daughter aged seven.
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I found out about his affairs after someone pushed a note through our door reading “Do you really think your husband is working late every night?”
The note made me realise he was at home less, more protective of his phone . . . and completely uninterested in sex with me.
When I confronted him he admitted he’d cheated — four times with a personal trainer and more with someone at work.
Apparently the personal trainer is ten years younger than him and stopped their liaison when she met someone her own age.
The woman at work was a temp who has now left their business and he hasn’t heard from her since.
He has apologised and says there was nothing wrong with our relationship, he just became selfish.
We both want to move past this but I am struggling.
Some weeks I feel stronger, then out of nowhere, I become scared and very insecure.
When I feel like this I can’t help but have a go at him. I worry if this continues I will drive him away.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Men often don’t cope well with bereavement.
Instead of connecting with those close to them who are familiar, they can seek refuge from grief by turning to someone else, completely unconnected to their family.It can seem easier to distance themselves from those who are close to them at such a sad time.
Betrayal can erode a relationship and building back that trust takes time.
Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his affairs hurt you.
With the right support, it is possible to move on from his cheating but this is something you will have to do together.
If you want to give your marriage a chance, couple’s counselling can help, see tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you to move on.
