DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend of five years ghosted me and then boasted he had fallen for a woman he had been having group sex with.
I know I should be able to walk away from him but we have so much history and a part of me feels like I brought all this on myself.
We are in our early thirties and four years ago when we were going through a bad patch I stupidly had a one-night stand with a colleague.
As soon as the drunken sex was over, I regretted it.
Feeling guilty, I admitted everything to my boyfriend — and even though I later learned I was pregnant as a result of cheating, he stood by me.
I felt so lucky that he was willing to accept my baby.
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We lived separately but every weekend he would come to stay with me and we would spend time as a family.
A few months ago, though, he didn’t arrive on Friday as he normally did.
When I tried to contact him I found he had blocked me on every platform.
After a week, I went to his flat and, though I’m sure he was in, he didn’t answer the door.
It was such a stressful time and I felt sick not knowing what was going on.
Eventually, after a month, he turned up and admitted he had had group sex with four other men and women.
He said he was sorry but didn’t know how to tell me.
I was devastated but prepared to take him back but that’s when the real kicker came — he told me he had started a relationship with one of the women involved.
I’m struggling to cope and find it hard dropping off my son at his house, but think it’s important they maintain a relationship.
I miss him and don’t know how to move on.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your relationship has come to an end but it won’t help anyone if you blame his infidelity on yourself.
You both had your part to play in this break-up. Your ex is no victim – just as your cheating was not OK, neither was his.
It is sad but it seems that when either of you were unhappy, rather than focus on each other, you both distracted yourselves by getting attention elsewhere.
You are clearly a considerate mum, making sure your son has consistency with your ex.
But do check in with yourself and make sure you aren’t encouraging this relationship between them to keep your own going.
Try talking to familylives.org, who can guide you about what is best for your son.
You should also read my support pack Mend Your Broken Heart, which includes helpful information about moving on.
