My partner gave me more than I bargained for

DEAR DEIDRE: I thought I would be with my partner for ever, but then I discovered he’d given me HIV.

We are gay men who were both tested and clear when we met, so I realised he must have cheated on me, and I ended our relationship.

I’m 34 and my ex is 37. We were together for five years.

I have never been the type of man to sleep around. I wanted to settle down.

When I met my partner, I knew he’d had a past, but he said he loved me and he seemed committed. We moved in together and we were even starting to talk about marriage.

I had a full medical recently and had another HIV test as part of it. I wasn’t worried at all, so the positive result was a devastating shock.

I confronted my partner and he admitted he had slept with someone behind my back. He has tested positive too.

I can’t bear to look at him, let alone be with him. But I miss him so much. And I feel so alone and scared.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re dealing with an enormous amount – an important health diagnosis, a major break-up and your ex-partner’s betrayal.

Each of these things would be distressing. Together, they are overwhelming.

Please don’t try to deal with this alone. Contact the Terrence Higgins Trust (tht.org.uk, 0808 802 1221) for advice and support.

HIV treatments have come on so much and you should be able to live a virtually normal life.

But it will take time to come to terms with your diagnosis, and counselling should help.

My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should also help you.