DEAR DEIDRE: Although I agreed to move in with my partner, I’m now having second thoughts.
I am panicking about the loss of my own home and independence. I love him, but I fear I might be making a huge mistake.
We’ve been together for two years. I am 48 and he’s 53.
Since my divorce, I have lived alone in my own flat for the past seven years.
It’s a lovely place and I’ve been so happy here. I’m near my work and my friends and family too.
My partner lives an hour away, in another town. The distance between us has always been an issue, which is why we agreed to live together.
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We’re both sick of driving backwards and forwards for two hours several times a week.
Moving into his place seemed the logical option, as he has a house, while my flat is a cosy one-bedder.
But I’ll have a long journey to work and won’t be able to pop in to see my parents or my sister and her kids.
And the house is his, not mine. I don’t like the decor or feel like it’s my “home”.
I’ve now given notice on my flat and can’t sleep at night worrying that I’ve done the wrong thing.
When I tried telling him how I feel, he said it was natural to be nervous and that I would soon settle in. He said he can’t wait for us to be together.
Am I just being stupid?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are not being stupid. Even though you love him, you’re giving up a lot to be with this man.
When your gut tells you something doesn’t feel right, it’s wise to listen to it.
This sounds like more than nerves. Perhaps you’re not ready to move in with him.
Or maybe, rather than moving into his place, you need to discuss buying or renting somewhere new together – somewhere nearer your work and family, and that feels like it belongs to you both.
Talk to him again and be honest. If he loves you, he should understand you need more time and he should be willing to discuss alternative options.
Perhaps you could agree to stay with him for a couple of months as a trial run.
If it’s not too late, see if you can withdraw the notice on your flat.
