My boyfriend is keeping me a secret because I’m 25 years younger

DEAR DEIDRE: THERE’S a 25-year gap between me and my boyfriend, so he keeps our relationship a secret.

We argue about this all the time and it’s making me unhappy but I don’t want to lose him.

I’m 25 and he’s 50. We used to work together and became good friends. When he left the company, we stayed in touch and carried on meeting up for a drink after work sometimes.

He’s really easy to talk to and much more mature than guys my age. He makes me feel safe and protected.

I genuinely didn’t have sexual feelings for him until he told me he’d met another woman and was interested in her.

Suddenly, I felt insanely jealous and realised I was really attracted to him.

I had a few drinks for Dutch courage then told him how I felt. He admitted he liked me too.

That night I went back to his flat and we had sex. It was amazing, he really knew what he was doing.

The next morning he said he’d like to be in a relationship with me but we couldn’t be seen together in public. He was worried people might think he was my dad.

I was OK with it at first but, as the weeks have passed, I’ve started to fall in love with him.

Now it really bothers me that he will never kiss me in the pub or hold my hand in the street. We’ve started arguing about this a lot.

He says I’m being clingy and needy and he doesn’t have to make a big show of affection to prove his feelings.

I get upset because I feel he’s using me and doesn’t really want to be with me, which he denies.

I’m sick of being his embarrassing secret. I don’t care what people think of us.

DEIDRE SAYS: This relationship doesn’t sound healthy or like it’s making you happy.

There’s a very big age gap between you and you’re arguing all the time, which suggests there are big differences in your expectations of your relationship.

The fact he doesn’t want people to know about your romance could genuinely be because he doesn’t want to be judged but if he is as committed as you are, he will need to overcome this.

While age-gap relationships can work, my support pack on them will tell you more.

You are at very different stages in your lives and careers. He will be a pensioner when you are in your early 40s. Think about the future and what you want from life.

You need to tell him how you feel. Ask him to be honest with you about what he wants too.

For this to work, you need to be equally committed. Can you see a future with a man who will only have you as his secret, or will he start to step out proudly with you?

There’s no reason you can’t still be friends, even if you aren’t together romantically.