DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex is planning to marry his girlfriend, but we’re having phone sex every week.
We were together for 18 years — 15 as a married couple — and have a teenage daughter together. I am 55 and my ex is 56.
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We were happy, although I did know he was unfaithful at least a couple of times. We got divorced and I have had no contact with him for almost ten years.
I have been out with other guys since but didn’t really connect with any of them.
My 16-year-old daughter rarely sees her dad, but when she does she will tell me little bits about his life.
One night, after a few drinks, my curiosity got the better of me and I looked him up on social media. He hadn’t really changed much in the time we’ve been apart.
I sent him a message and he replied almost immediately and seemed pleased to hear from me.
We exchanged pleasantries and then swapped phone numbers.
We started messaging and then, after a month we started having phone calls every week. The calls last for at least an hour each time. Our feelings for one another came flooding back very quickly.
We’ve had phone sex a few times and were talking about meeting.
Then, after my daughter’s latest visit to him, she returned home with some surprising news — her dad and his girlfriend, who he has two young kids with, had set a date for their wedding.
I’m so upset as I thought we may even have ended up getting back together.
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He says if it had not been for his youngest children, he would be with me. He just keeps blaming the timing, and saying he is gutted we couldn’t “work it out”.
I don’t know what to do.
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes you do, but you will need willpower. Keep telling yourself that this is going nowhere.
Your ex has no intention of leaving his girlfriend, especially while he can have the best of both worlds.
Be determined that you won’t contact him again – unless it is strictly to discuss your daughter.
You know he’s a cheat and you can’t trust him. You deserve better than this and so does his girlfriend.
Take one day at a time for now and lean on friends and family.
Focus on your social life and meet lots of new people too. It will help you to take your mind off him.
My support pack Moving On can help but talk to a counsellor if you feel stuck. Contact the British Association For Counselling And Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883 300).
