DEAR DEIDRE: ONE minute my lover is packing her bags and about to leave her husband, the next she is having a wobble.
This has been going on for ten months and I’m tempted to take drastic measures.
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I’m a 27-year-old man and my lover is 35 and married with a young son and daughter.
We met at work and got friendly on a work night out.
Up until then we’d been very flirty and nothing had actually happened.
But on our night out she told me she couldn’t stop thinking about me.
At the end of the evening she suggested going on elsewhere to spend the night together.
It took all my self-control, but I declined as I was living with my girlfriend of six years.
Because I felt so guilty knowing I wanted this woman so much, I finished with my girlfriend.
My lover said she was going to do the same — only there has never been a good time.
Since then we have spent nights together on work trips and I’ve completely fallen for her. She says she loves me too. What should have been a fling got very deep, very quickly.
One moment my lover hates her husband and is ready to leave him, then she’s on the fence.
She switches from saying she can’t keep away from me to needing space. I’m wondering whether to tell her husband, so our affair is out in the open.
My lover is horrified at the thought of me telling him. She says she doesn’t want me to force her hand and has said she would not be able to forgive me if I did this.
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She says if it wasn’t for her kids we’d have been together months ago.
I don’t know whether to run the risk of exposing our affair. I feel I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I’m going to lose her either way, then I might as well at least try.
DEIDRE SAYS: Tempting as it is, please don’t tell this woman’s husband.
I’m sure she loves the sex and being with you but despite what she says, you can’t know whether it’s the truth. She seems comfortable where she is.
You could wait years. She could simply be enjoying nothing more than having some fun sex with you while her marriage weathers a bad patch.
Tell her you are breaking up with her and cut all contact. You can remain civil and polite at work.
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