DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is convinced her mother will die of loneliness if we don’t go and visit her every single day. I’m fed up with it.
My father-in-law died of Covid early last year.
We knew he was very poorly, and on the day he died he had been struggling for breath.
My mother-in-law, who is 77, called the ambulance but had to wait more than two hours, by which time it was too late.
My wife’s phone had run out of battery so she didn’t get the frantic calls from her mother.
My wife blames herself for her father’s death.
I’m a man of 55 and she is 51.
I can’t convince my wife she isn’t responsible.
We both work full-time but every single night we have to go to my mother-in-law’s.
It’s affecting our relationship, our sex life – everything.
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We don’t seem to have time for ourselves any more.
It’s sad my father-in-law has gone but my mother-in-law will never be able to stand on her own two feet at this rate.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right. But your wife is so racked with guilt that she wasn’t there when her parents needed her.
If she won’t take on board your reassurance that she is not to blame, encourage her to get some free professional bereavement counselling through Sue Ryder (sueryder.org, 0808 164 4572).
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Encourage your mother-in-law to get out with friends and try to have a sense of normality. It will take a while.
She will also benefit from counselling, too.
