DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having secret sex with a guy and I’m terrified that if I get caught out, my fiancée would get custody of our two dogs.
I’m a guy of 30 and my partner is 31. We’ve been together for eight years.
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I had a couple of sexual encounters with lads when I was at school but when I went to college, I met my fiancée and the rest is history.
I’ve always been a huge quizzer and do lots of online competitions. I’ve won loads of stuff.
I met my secret fling after winning VIP football tickets through a radio station. He was the PR guy who arranged everything.
He sounded really lovely and when I met him at the radio station a few days later it was clear there was a really strong mutual attraction.
We ended up arranging to go for a couple of drinks. As the wine flowed, so did the conversation and he asked me if I was gay.
I found myself agreeing, although I think I’m actually bisexual. He’s 35 and really knows how to look after himself. We went back to his place and had sex. It felt amazing to be with a guy again.
I’ve been seeing him once or twice a week and my fiancée thinks he’s just a new friend.
But he’s far more than that and I’ve developed feelings for him.
I love my fiancée too but I don’t think we will get married. I feel like we have grown apart as we have become older. She doesn’t even talk about our wedding any more — it’s as if she also knows we aren’t going to stay together.
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The only thing that really bonds us are our two rescue dogs, a Staffie and a Frenchie. They are both so loving and loyal.
We both adore them. I’m worried that if she finds out I’m cheating, I’ll lose my dogs.
DEIDRE SAYS: You may do. In the eyes of UK law, pets are considered to be “property” so it may come down to whoever paid or signed for your dogs. You can find out more through bluecross.org.uk.
What is more worrying is that you are cheating. You’re not being fair.
Find a quiet moment to tell her that things aren’t right for you and from what you have said she may feel the same.
If you are sure you want to break up, please sort out your engagement first before continuing any affair.
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It won’t be easy but once you have told her, you can address the dog ownership issue. If you treat your fiancée with respect, she is far more likely to agree to a solution that you are both happy with.
My support pack called Ending A Relationship will help you to manage this difficult conversation.
