DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter walked in on me and my lover and I’m worried she will tell her dad. He was only massaging my foot against his thigh but it was pretty obvious our relationship was more than professional. We both jumped a mile when she appeared out of nowhere in our office. Seeing us, […]
DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter walked in on me and my lover and I’m worried she will tell her dad.
He was only massaging my foot against his thigh but it was pretty obvious our relationship was more than professional.
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We both jumped a mile when she appeared out of nowhere in our office.
Seeing us, she looked completely dumbfounded before dashing out the door.
I went after her but she refused to talk, insisting she would call her dad for a lift.
That was two weeks ago. I’m 45, my daughter is 14 and my husband is 52.
I work for a letting agency and started this affair with a work colleague a year ago.
He’s brilliant at his job and very charismatic. I’d always fancied him but never imagined he’d even look at me. He’s 47.
One evening I was panicking as I thought I’d lost an important document and he was so kind, insisting he’d help find it.
Amazingly, I did find it tucked behind the scanner. That night as we locked up, instead of our usual “see you tomorrow”, he gave me a lingering kiss close to my mouth.
I knew it wouldn’t be long before we started a full-blown affair. With plenty of empty properties on our books, we were never short of convenient venues.
I didn’t feel guilty. My husband is a workaholic, he’s dismissive of me and I’ve been lonely for years.
But then my daughter walked in and now the guilt is eating me up — for her.
I shouldn’t have put her in this situation. She’s a daddy’s girl and won’t know what to do for the best.
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If I’m honest, I don’t know either. I’m not happily married and always planned on leaving as soon as my daughter left home.
But I wouldn’t have wanted either of them to find out like this. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: This situation is far from ideal but it could be the catalyst to sort out an unhappy home.
Talk to your daughter and apologise for what she witnessed.
Explain you are sorting things out with your husband.
This will take the burden of responsibility away from her but you must now follow through.
Whether you see a future with your lover or not, it’s best to stop this affair until you have sorted out the marriage – one way or another.
Can you talk to your husband one last time about how miserable you are and ask him to go to couples’ counselling?
If this is not an option then staying in an unhappy marriage is not a great environment for any of you.
If you are sure you want to leave, talk to a counsellor about how to move forward with this decision.
Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975) who can help.
