I CANNOT forget awkwardly fiddling with my new yellow neon lace thong, which was giving my bum a painful flossing.
It was the Noughties and it was my first venture into skimpy underwear.
I felt so cool with my new purchase.
It was back in day when the likes of Britney Spears, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton were being snapped at Los Angeles hot spots wearing super-high-rise thongs with low-slung jeans.
The trend would sweep the world.
Groups of women bending over to take a shot of their thongs riding high above their waistbands became as ubiquitous as lads on stag nights taking a snap of themselves pulling a moony.
Wearing my poor-quality starter G-string was as appealing as sandpapering my nether regions.
But as I have got older, I have learnt that you really cannot beat a well-cut quality thong.
And despite the news this week that sales of thongs are down year-on-year, as people increasingly opt for comfort over style, I have never gone back to wearing big, Bridget Jones-style pants.
Thongs have come a long way since the days when Sisqo’s hit The Thong Song ruled the airwaves in 2000.
Beyonce (who else?) wore a crystal G-string with a backless coral gown last November.
And this year, post-lockdown, a host of celebs have followed suit.
Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Gillian Anderson, Halle Berry, Megan Fox, Zoe Kravitz, Dua Lipa and Hailey Bieber have all shown off a hint of G-string while gracing recent red carpets.
Nowadays you can pick from a huge selection of thongs that are nicely cut and super-flattering, coming in a variety of ultra-modern fabrics and are comfortable to wear.
They also come with tummy control and even period-absorbing options.
Whether you want lace, silk or pearl adornments, or something simple yet sexy, the options are out there.
If you want slightly wider bottom coverage, there is the trusty tanga.
Or for less, try an ultra-chic, modern G-string.
Don’t give up if the first one you try is uncomfortable or you do not like it.
I guarantee there will be one (or even several) that fit perfectly and will feel like heaven for hours on end.
Parachute pants, at the other end of the underwear spectrum, fill me with sheer dread.
I still shudder at the idea of getting frisky with my fella after a night at the pub when he pulled up my skirt and cooed: “Hellooo Mummy!”
Talk about a passion killer.
There is also nothing worse than spending ages carefully ironing a crisp pair of trousers for a lunch date then popping to the loo and catching a glimpse of VPL in the bathroom mirror.
Seeing the edges of your knicker elastic slicing into your bum cheeks, like a butcher attacking a slice of rounded honey-roast ham, is not a good look.
Thongs are comfortable, plus they serve as a timely reminder to tend to my bikini line whenever I pull them on.
And I have it on good authority that boyfriends much prefer them to big pants.
More importantly, though, I feel sexy wearing them.
If I am a bit down or having a miserable day, knowing I am wearing a pair of knickers I love always seems to cheer me up.
I want to feel as though my undies are as well-dressed as the rest of me.
I always match my knickers to my bra, even if I know that when I get home after a long day I will climb straight into a pair of PJs and watch the telly.
During lockdown, I did let some standards slide.
But while I had hairy legs and long, grown-out roots and was slobbing around in workout clothes, one thing I kept on top of was my underwear drawer.
I binned all the granny knickers — and treated myself to full matching sets of gorgeous thongs and bras.
No, I do not let them hang out of the top of my jeans like Jodie Marsh and Katie Price falling out of Chinawhite nightclub back in the day.
But wearing lovely undies is just as important as getting my nails done.
So, while sales of thongs are going down, a G-string of celebs are not hanging up theirs . . . and neither am I.
