DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was happy with my boyfriend until my best friend kissed me. My boyfriend is great but if he mentions us getting married, I feel sick to my stomach. I’m a girl of 28 and he’s 31. He’s very close to his family. They are lovely people but so traditional. When […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was happy with my boyfriend until my best friend kissed me.
My boyfriend is great but if he mentions us getting married, I feel sick to my stomach.
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I’m a girl of 28 and he’s 31.
He’s very close to his family. They are lovely people but so traditional.
When he talks to them about getting married, his mother says: “Then you can make me a grandma and carry on the family name.” It makes my skin crawl.
He knows I don’t want children but isn’t sure himself. When it comes to his parents’ comments, he says: “Just relax. Take no notice.”
I worry that if we get married, he’ll pressure me to have a baby.
I didn’t have a happy childhood and don’t feel maternal. I don’t get it when people coo over babies.
I recently went for a walk with my best mate. He’s 29 and we’ve been friends since school. He doesn’t want kids either and gets my position.
As we walked, he put his arm round me then stroked my hair. We stopped at a bench, sat down and he pulled me towards him.
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I was shocked when he said: “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
But it felt great when I kissed him. I eventually pulled back and said I couldn’t be unfaithful. But it has stirred up something in me and he has been on my mind a lot.
I don’t want to hurt anyone — but I don’t want to make the wrong choice either.
All I know is that I think about marriage and kids every day — for all the wrong reasons. I get anxious just thinking about it.
DEIDRE SAYS: There is a chance that neither of these relationships would be right for you.
It is time to have that heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend, making it clear you don’t want kids and are unlikely to change your mind.
Explain to him how anxious you feel about the issue.
He must be fully on board to continue your relationship – and also, he must back your corner where his parents are concerned. It is not their business, anyway.
If you felt the same for your best friend as he does for you, you would probably have been attracted to him long ago.
Arrange to see him again and tell him you don’t want what happened between you to spoil your friendship.
But first, read my support pack Torn Between Two Men to be certain there is no spark there.
