DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover and I share the purest love and passion I have ever known – but we are both married to other people.
I am so in love with him and he with me, I wouldn’t think twice about leaving my marriage.
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I am 36, my husband is 38 and we have been together for seven years.
We have three children and have been through a lot of problems with his ex, with whom he shares a son, and his mum, who is very difficult.
I started confiding in a good friend at work.
He is 43 and was unhappily married.
We used to text one another and, when the first lockdown arrived and we had to work from home, the texts became pretty much every day.
When we went back to work, the atmosphere between us was electric and we started an affair. The sex was really special.
We would go to work early or come home late.
At night we would video-call from our bathrooms.
His wife found our messages and threatened to throw him out.
It forced me to tell my husband and he begged me to stay, promising he would change.
My husband’s son got into trouble with the police and it was frightening to come home to find my husband talking to two police officers.
My lover was so comforting the next day and had all the right words and hugs to make me feel normal.
We had a few magical hours together and sweet sex, but the next day he texted that he didn’t think he was right for my life and that I should put my husband and children first.
He said he was going to try to make his marriage work.
I begged him not to do this to me.
He then blocked me. The next evening he emailed to say he and his wife were trying again.
So I was surprised when the following morning he emailed to ask me to meet him that evening.
I agreed and told him I loved him.
He replied he loved me too.
But two hours later he texted that we shouldn’t meet up.
I haven’t heard from him since.
I am heartbroken.
My husband is trying so hard to repair our marriage but it feels as though he is smothering me.
If my lover came back, I would leave my husband in a heartbeat.
I feel awful for my husband but how can I love him when I am so in love with someone else?
THIS time of year is tough if you are alone, broke or grieving.
My leaflet Worried About Christmas? is full of practical suggestions and useful contacts to help make the holiday season a positive experience for you.
DEIDRE SAYS: You and your lover are clearly drawn to one another but you have put him on a bit of a pedestal and your husband can’t hope to compete with a fantasy.
Your affair has never been tested by the day-to-day stuff and your lover seems to take a step back as soon as there is any chance you might make real demands of him.
Be brave. Block your lover and decide about the future independent of him.
Your husband sounds to have learned from his mistakes.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT could help.
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