DEAR DEIDRE: MY father has always treated me differently from my siblings because in his view I didn’t make the grade. My siblings graduated from first-class universities and my father made sure that every relative got a photo of him with my brother and sister at their graduations. He didn’t want to come to my […]
DEAR DEIDRE: MY father has always treated me differently from my siblings because in his view I didn’t make the grade.
My siblings graduated from first-class universities and my father made sure that every relative got a photo of him with my brother and sister at their graduations.
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He didn’t want to come to my graduation from a lesser college, so I didn’t go either.
I got married in secret so Dad didn’t reject me again.
I’m 59 now and Dad is 88. He’s wealthy and yet offered me nothing when I was a single mother of three children struggling to put food on the table.
My daughter invited my father to her graduation last year but he said he was ill and yet I saw on Facebook he was at the seaside with my sister.
It will be a relief when he dies but why do I feel guilty?
DEIDRE SAYS: You still yearn for his loving acceptance of you but it could help to realise that the rift isn’t about your failure but his.
If he had true self-confidence he wouldn’t care about your IQ or whether you went to an elite university, he would just love you for who you are.
He’s unlikely to change now but find support through My Horrid Parent, which helps people to navigate the feelings thrown up by a difficult parent (myhorridparent.com).
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