DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my lover is awesome but I’m so afraid she would cheat on me it’s making me doubt our future together.
I am 49. My wife and I met when we were just 17 and married within a year. We have three sons but I am deeply unhappy and have been for years.
Our marriage is over in so many ways, she has neglected me and put me last on her priority list for years.
Five years ago I set up a dating-site profile and within weeks met this gorgeous woman. She is 43 and also in an unhappy marriage.
She admitted she’d had lots of affairs throughout her marriage. This troubled me but she reassured me it was different with me.
She intends leaving her husband so we can set up home together. I plan to leave my wife next year when our youngest son finishes uni and is financially independent.
Our affair is still as exciting as the first time we met. I cannot get enough of her, and she satisfies me in ways my wife never has in all our years together.
My lover is up for anything and everything to keep the spark in our romance.
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But the unease I feel about her past started to get to me so I created a new dating profile to test her out.
I expected her either not to get in touch or at least to say she was not interested. Quite the opposite happened.
She gave every impression of being keen on meeting for casual sex.
I confronted her and she just laughed and said she knew it was me all along and she was playing with me. I don’t believe that’s the truth.
I am having huge doubts about walking away from my family, who will be very hurt, for a woman I love passionately but who has a terrible track record.
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Email problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: Right now your lover keeps you happy sexually but unless there is trust, your relationship and sex life are going to suffer long term.
You met and married your wife very young which may be adding to the excitement of your affair but it’s easy to underestimate the cost of walking away from your family.
It takes a lot of great sex to make up for losing your sons’ respect and breaking your wife’s heart. I’d say trust your instincts that your lover hasn’t the habit of being faithful – and don’t forget the virus is very much around.
You say you feel low down on your wife’s list of priorities but could she feel the same? How much daily input did you have into running your home and raising three boys?
Tell her you fear you have both been taking one another for granted and you want to make a fresh start – on your sex life too.
My e-leaflets on Saving Your Sex Life and Your Relationship MOT will help.
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