DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex pressed up against the kitchen sink with my daughter’s boyfriend. Now my period is late and I feel terrible. I’m 39 with four children and my partner left me two years ago. My life has gone downhill ever since and I feel stressed out most of the time. My ex […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex pressed up against the kitchen sink with my daughter’s boyfriend. Now my period is late and I feel terrible.
I’m 39 with four children and my partner left me two years ago. My life has gone downhill ever since and I feel stressed out most of the time.
My ex is unreliable about paying maintenance, he doesn’t bother with the kids and now he has a new partner he seems to be spoiling in a way he never did me.
My eldest daughter, who is 17, had her boyfriend over for the evening three weeks ago. I know she shouldn’t have but they were missing each other so much I said it was OK for once.
She started to feel poorly so went to bed, leaving her boyfriend and me chatting in the kitchen.
I made him a coffee and a sandwich while I did the ironing.
He is 20 but really understanding and mature. After an hour pouring out my troubles I felt like he was my best friend.
I couldn’t help crying and he put his arm around me and held me. It had been so long since anyone did that, it felt fantastic.
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I pulled myself together and walked across the kitchen to put away some crockery.
As I turned around he started kissing me and we ended up having sex pressed up against the kitchen sink.
We agreed afterwards it had felt great but we both felt guilty about my daughter and said it would be our secret. He decided it was best to go home.
I thought it would be something that would just be forgotten. Then this morning I realised I’ve not seen my period this month and I’m terrified I might be pregnant.
I don’t know whether to be honest with my daughter or try to keep it secret. I’m in a real state.
IT’S harder than ever now for couples to agree on sexual boundaries, but my e-leaflet, Sex Games And Sense, can help you work out what’s right – and safe – for you.
For a copy, email me at the address below or private message me on my Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: Take three deep breaths. You were emotionally vulnerable to anyone showing you some TLC but adding a new baby to your situation would certainly increase the pressures on you.
This guy isn’t going to hang around to be a dad and your daughter isn’t going to find it easy to forgive either of you if she ever finds out.
Dumping your guilty secret on her isn’t the solution.
Your priority is to find out urgently if you are pregnant and, if so, decide what you are going to do. My e-leaflet on unplanned pregnancy will help.
If your ex isn’t paying maintenance, as he’s legally obliged to, you can get advice from Gingerbread, which supports single parents (gingerbread. org.uk, 0808 802 0925).
My e-leaflet, When Parents Fall Out, explains how important it is for children of separated parents that they both keep showing their love and commitment to them. It might help your ex to realise his responsibilities.
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