DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is desperate to get pregnant and had a one-night stand with a former boyfriend. I agreed we would put it behind us but she is tearing herself apart and doesn’t believe I will forgive and forget. I am 25, she is 24 and we have a four-year-old son who means the world […]
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is desperate to get pregnant and had a one-night stand with a former boyfriend.
I agreed we would put it behind us but she is tearing herself apart and doesn’t believe I will forgive and forget.
Got a problem?
Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
I am 25, she is 24 and we have a four-year-old son who means the world to us.
We met at college and up to a few weeks ago I thought our relationship was all good.
We never argue and always enjoy one another’s company.
We both work and have our own friends.
We share caring for our son and all the household jobs.
She had a miscarriage 18 months ago and has never really got over it.
We have been trying for a baby ever since, with no luck.
Her best friend recently announced she is pregnant.
It wasn’t planned and she doesn’t really want the baby.
This news destroyed my partner. It is all she talks about.
She went to her cousin’s 30th birthday do the other weekend and stayed over while her mum had our son to stay. I was working away.
The following week she seemed distant but I had no idea what had gone on.
I got home one night to find my bags packed.
She said she no longer wants to be with me.
She wouldn’t explain why and I went to my brother’s house in shock.
A few days later, we talked.
She admitted having drunken sex with an old boyfriend from when she was a teenager.
He’s 27 and was at her cousin’s party.
She said it felt great to have carefree sex without the pressure of trying for a baby.
Even so, a bit of her hoped it would do the trick.
She still loves me but said she would understand if I couldn’t forgive her.
We talked about everything for days — including the baby issue.
Apparently she has even fantasised about kidnapping her friend’s baby when it is born.
She isn’t pregnant and we agreed to give our relationship another chance.
We have been taking things slowly to rebuild trust and put the spark back.
Now, out of the blue, she says she needs space again and wants me to move out.
MORE than a million children live in a stepfamily, having seen the breakup of their parents’ relationship and faced a new rivalry for a parent’s love.
It is a lot to ask and tensions are common.
My leaflet on Stepfamily Problems explains how to get along.
For a copy email me at problems@deardeirde.org or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: Desperation to get pregnant puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and she is still very distressed by that miscarriage.
Tell her how much you love her and your son – and that for his sake, you must both try to survive this stressful patch.
Breaking up now will only add to the pressure she is under.
You can find understanding support through the Miscarriage Association (miscarriageassociation.org.uk, 01924 200 799).
Offer to go for fertility investigations.
It sounds like you have been trying for another baby for more than a year, so it is reasonable to ask your GP to refer you.
Meanwhile, put trying to get pregnant on hold.
Instead, focus on refreshing your sex life and enjoying one another.
My e-leaflet Sex-Play Therapy can help.
