DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and it hurt me so much I had sex with his best mate. I’m 26 and my boyfriend is 29. We got together five years ago and it felt like real love.
He spent most of the week round at my flat and I loved having someone to cook for and care for, and someone to love me in bed. He said he had been lucky to find someone so special.
But then a mate told me she had heard he was seeing his ex. She is the mum of his sons so I said to my mate that just showed he was getting things right as a dad.
But just to be sure, I went through his phone and the messages told me the rumours were right. I was totally broken and told him to get himself out of my flat and leave me alone.
He was shocked and swore that he loved me the best. But I stuck to my guns. He tried to persuade me he had just made a stupid mistake and he texted me two or three times every day.
I was tempted to let him back into my life but knew I could never forgive his lies and live with the hurt he had caused.
One day, I was out in the pub with some friends when I saw his best mate, who is 30, wander into the bar. He saw me, bought me a drink and was openly flirting.
I’d soon had three or four shots and thought if I slept with his mate, there would be no turning back — I would be free of the cheating and hurting and have to just move on and get on with my life.
We went back to his flat and had sex but it didn’t feel right and afterwards I just couldn’t wait to get home. My ex is still doing his best to get back with me. Should I tell him I slept with his mate?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand the temptation to shock and hurt him but I think you would regret it – it could well backfire.
You had downed a few drinks when you slept with his mate and you know it didn’t feel right. Why cause anger and hurt that would break up a friendship?
Of course, the best mate doesn’t sound much of a friend to your ex, but spilling the beans to your ex would likely bring only anger and trouble your way.
Keep what happened that night to yourself and I’m sure your ex’s mate will be doing the same.
Tell your ex, once again, that it’s over and tell him you’re putting a block on your phone so you won’t see his texts.
Be glad you’re not tied to a cheat and that you’re young, with the world at your feet and are free to move on.
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