DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE drunk, my girlfriend thought she was acting out my sexual fantasy by having a group-sex session with some mates.
Now I can’t have sex with her because the situation just paralyses me.
I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 25. We got into a drinking session with two friends last week round their house after our team had won an away match.
We got well plastered and the guys started making comments about my girlfriend’s cleavage.
I wasn’t worried and took these as drunken compliments.
I did nothing to stop the remarks and even joined in with the sexual comments. I stupidly took the lead in what happened next. My girlfriend and I have fantasised before about trying swinging but I had never taken it seriously. Given this opportunity, I was curious though to see how far she would go and where she would draw the line.
I assumed that she wouldn’t risk our relationship but I was wrong. She was more receptive than I thought she’d be.
She started rubbing herself all over me and my mates.
She pulled down my jeans and gave me oral in front of our friends. I went along with it thinking there was nothing to be jealous of.
Then one of the guys went behind her and started performing oral on her. It nearly killed me to watch her as it was obvious she was enjoying it but I felt I had to encourage her.
I then got up and they stopped momentarily. Then she started giving this guy oral while I got dressed. I didn’t want to look foolish so I told her to carry on and I went into the kitchen.
I’d sobered up at this point. She came into the kitchen half an hour later, claiming she only did it because she thought it would please me. We’ve never had any problems before but now I feel lost. I can’t have sex with her because I just freeze.
We can’t even look each other in the eye.
I know this would never have happened if we’d been sober and I’m trying hard to forget all about it — but I can’t.
THE G spot goes in and out of fashion with sex experts – being seen as the ultimate source of pleasure or dismissed as fairly irrelevant.
The truth lies somewhere in between, as explained in my e-leaflet Understanding The G Spot.
For a copy, email me at problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: You both appear to feel awful about what happened but you have to accept your share of responsibility. You encouraged her.
It may well be true she thought she was pleasing you – and with sexual boundaries being pushed all over the place these days it can be hard for couples to be sure where each wants to draw the line.
Don’t just try to forget what happened by refusing to discuss it. Talk to your girlfriend about the feelings this has brought up.
It sounds as though you have realised she is more special to you than just a sexual partner, so tell her that and give her a chance to reassure you she would prefer to keep sexual fun just between the two of you. My free leaflet on Swinging And Swapping will help you both.
Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
