DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE met a great girl but when we were getting passionate in bed she suddenly stopped. I asked what was wrong and she said she feels awkward with affection. She said it doesn’t apply to sex and she will have sex when she wants to. I am 25 and she is 23. She […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE met a great girl but when we were getting passionate in bed she suddenly stopped.
I asked what was wrong and she said she feels awkward with affection. She said it doesn’t apply to sex and she will have sex when she wants to.
I am 25 and she is 23. She was in an abusive relationship before me and I’m wondering if this is the problem.
She seems to want very little – if any – physical contact.
Even lying in bed she turns away from me.
Do I slowly try to chip away at the wall she has put up?
DEIDRE SAYS: Effects of abuse can stay with a person for a long time.
It could help to talk to her about her early years, her relationships with her parents and any siblings.
Let her set the pace sexually but if she seems stuck, encourage her to find support via The Mix, which helps under-25s (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).
Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
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