DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD the most amazing two-week fling with a colleague while still with my boyfriend. But now I’m pregnant and I’m not sure who the dad is.
My birthday is coming up and I will be 25, but I am not looking forward to celebrating. Everything in my life just seems a real mess right now, though I am happy about the baby, which is due in three months.
I desperately love my boyfriend. We have been together for two years and he is 27. We had big plans for our future but through my stupidity, I nearly blew everything.
I met a man at a work conference and fell for him. He was 33 and charming — he could make my heart flip with his smile. We started going into town at lunchtime and then for quick drinks after work.
The chemistry was brilliant and he was fantastic company. When my boyfriend went on a four-day stag do, I stayed in a hotel with this guy. We had the best time imaginable and the sex was out of this world. We fancied one another so much and had a real connection.
It lasted two amazing weeks before guilt kicked in for me and I ended it one night. I then discovered I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend everything, so he knows there is a chance it is not his baby. And he forgave me.
The fling is the biggest regret of my life, yet I cannot stop thinking about the other guy. In the past few weeks my boyfriend has for the first time ever been really quite horrid towards me. I wonder if I am only thinking about the other guy because my boyfriend is pushing me away.
I don’t know whether it’s hormones but where it all seemed clear, now I feel so confused.
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Email me at problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: The heady mix of the other guy’s charm and out-of-work liaisons were a recipe for passion but it took a short time for you to realise it was your boyfriend you wanted.
You were brave to admit your affair and unburdening your guilt helped you to move on. Your boyfriend forgave you but the way he is distancing himself now suggests he is struggling emotionally.
That may be tied up with your baby’s fast-approaching birth and questions hanging over who the father is. It is your turn to be understanding and support him.
Encourage him to talk about how he’s feeling. Life will be hectic once the baby arrives and more difficult to find time for one another, so bond more while you can.
If he is going to parent the baby, he will be the father in every way that matters. But if you want to talk over the pros and cons of DNA tests, you can get advice from Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk, 08000 362 522).
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