DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband came home unexpectedly and caught me in bed with the guy who delivers our groceries. We are still together but I’m not sure what to do.
We have been married for seven years. I am 29 and my husband is 30. He is angry with me about this, which is hardly fair because he has cheated on me in the past. I found out four years ago that he had been having sex with a female colleague, who often went with him when he was working away.
After one trip I was sorting through his laundry and I found some condoms. We don’t use them because I am on the Pill so I confronted him. He confessed, but promised he would end the affair and, in fact, she left the company soon afterwards.
Two years ago I started buying my groceries online. I work full-time but could organise the deliveries for just after I got home from the office. The delivery driver was really hot. He looked so sexy and we flirted. One week I ordered six bottles of wine and I asked him to carry them into the house for me.
He put them on the kitchen floor and as he stood up we bumped into each other and just started kissing. I thought it would not be so wrong to cheat on my husband just once. We had sex that afternoon and it was brilliant. We now do it every week.
He is 26 and says he loves me but he has never asked me to leave my husband. Then one afternoon my husband came home from work unexpectedly because he needed to pack for a very early start the next day. He came straight upstairs and caught me in bed with the delivery man.
There was a furious row and my husband was yelling at both of us. My lover struggled into his clothes and shot off as soon as he could.
My marriage is not going well. You could cut the atmosphere at home with a knife when my husband is around. I don’t know whether to leave him and go off with my delivery driver.
NEARLY a third of us are sleep-deprived, putting us more at risk of mental health and relationship problems. My leaflet on Sleep Problems explains how to regularly get a good night’s sleep.
DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt that’s an option. Your lover hasn’t mentioned a future together even though your affair has been going on for two years.
Yes, he has said he loves you but that is easy to say. It sounds as though he just sees it as an opportunity for regular sex with no ties. Even if your marriage breaks up, he is unlikely to want a serious relationship with you.
You stayed with your husband after his affair but did you sort out your feelings about it and work on restoring the trust?
Tell your husband you’re sorry you cheated. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help you both see how to build a happier future together.
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