DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is nursing our newborn son, yet last weekend I visited a brothel and hired an escort for £200 an hour. Expensive but worth every penny – or so I felt at the time.
I am 34 and my wife is 30. She is gorgeous and we have been married for three years. Our baby boy is just four weeks old.
I have often used prostitutes even when our sex life is regular and exciting, but I told myself it was time to stop when I knew our baby was on the way.
I stuck to my resolve until last weekend when I treated myself. The old thrill was still there and I had the most amazing time. I have already booked another session.
I square it with myself by saying I am not really cheating on my wife because I have never had sex with the same woman twice.
I have been with women of all ages, types and races.
I cannot remember a time since I was 16 when I was not in a serious long-term relationship. I am a good-looking, athletic guy but I was always faithful to the girl I was with, even though I had lots of other women want me.
Things changed for me a few years ago when I went to a brothel on a stag do and I was well and truly hooked.
I got a buzz like nothing before and I started going regularly.
I love the way you say what you want and it’s all upfront.
Things are different now, though. Although part of me wants to keep seeing escorts, another part knows it has to stop. I’m not cheating as such, but this is not OK behaviour for a married man with a child. My habit could cause so much hurt if it ever came out.
The trouble is I fear it has become an addiction and I do not know how to beat it.
UP to 50 per cent of women lose interest in sex. It can be down to lack of sexual know-how but it is often connected to issues in their past or their relationship.
My e-leaflet How To Light Her Fire can help.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop kidding your-self. You ARE cheating on your wife and may be risking her sexual health.
Understanding why you find sex with prostitutes such a draw is a necessary first step to quitting your habit.
Family and friends see you as this respectable guy who has had serious long-term relationships from a young age. Paying prostitutes has been your private buzz and I can see that shutting the door on this secret world could leave you feeling suffocated.
Give your wife time to recover from having your son, but the way forward is going to be sharing more of your fantasies and yearnings with her.
Your sexual desires don’t have to a dirty secret but can be shared with the woman you love.
My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex? will help and it will help you to talk it all over with a therapist before you open up the subject with your wife – find a therapist at the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt. org.uk, 020 8543 2707).
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