DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD three perfect days and two magical nights of sex with my ex. I thought we were rekindling our romance but it’s turned out he sees it as friends with benefits.
I’m 29 and he’s 32. We met at a party seven years ago and had two lovely years when I thought I’d discovered my soulmate for life.
When his job moved to London and he wanted me there, I left my quiet home town and my work and moved into his flat.
I loved being with him but I just couldn’t handle London life. It was hard but I left him and picked up the pieces back home.
Last month, he found me on Facebook. We chatted for hours.
It reminded me how much I’d loved him and I knew I wanted to see him again.
He said he was living with somebody else, but that they weren’t happy. So I kept my distance and just played it cool.
He ended that relationship and, two weeks later, he visited me in my flat and stayed for three days. It was bliss. It was like those five years apart hadn’t happened.
The sex was just perfect. I thought we were beginning a whole new life together.
At the end of last week, he came down to see me again and told me he really loves visiting me but that he’s not ready for a full-on relationship.
That woke me up from my fabulous dream.
I asked him, does he want just a friends with benefits thing or would visiting me be the start of us getting together again? He looked sheepish and said, “Maybe both . . . ”
I told him I’d think about it but, when I was on my own, I wasn’t happy about it. I told him I wouldn’t meet up with him just to have sex. I said I deserved better.
Now I’m doubting myself and wondering, did I do the right thing when I sent him away?
I miss him and perhaps if I’d held on a bit longer it would have turned into the love that I want.
ONE in three children are likely to experience their parents separating before they are 16.
It has a terrible impact if the parents use them as pawns in their battle.
My e-leaflet When Parents Fall Out can help.
DEIDRE SAYS: You did the right thing.
Remember, you had that love once – or you really believed you had. You gave up your job and you tried London life.
Did he try to persuade you to stay or to make a new plan that would work for you both? Has he thought of one now?
The fact is, five years went by before he made the effort to find you again.
It’s clear you still love him and risk getting hurt. Ask him what’s the problem. What’s holding him back?
If he needs to take it a step at a time, then he should be talking with you, not turning up to have sex and then leaving again.
I’d say let him go. Stay free to meet someone who loves you and cares for your needs.
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