THE way things are going at the basket case club Chelsea, Noni Madueke should have had an absolute shocker of a match.
After announcing to the world from his west midlands team hotel that he thought Wolverhampton was “sh*t”, the least surprising thing was the reaction which followed from the fired-up Molineux crowd every time he touched the ball.
But here is the surprising bit. Because everything at Chelsea seems to be going wrong, you expected Madueke to do something else really stupid and get sent off after a couple of minutes.
Or maybe run into Cole Palmer and injure him for the rest of the season. Or maybe, just score a last minute own goal with a bicycle kick from the edge of the area.
But no. Madueke went and had the game of his career. In a breathless, chaotic game which was a joy to watch – unless you were a defensive coach or a Wolves fan – the Chelsea wideman thrived on being absolutely hated.
He scored a hat-trick in 14 second half minutes and handed Wolves left-back Rayan Ait-Nouri an afternoon which he will have nightmares about for some time.
Yet while Madueke was brilliant and left clutching the match ball, he was not even the best player on the pitch.
Because that was Palmer, the one piece of transfer business which Chelsea have got spot on. Incredibly, he had a hand in all six goals.
Palmer set up Nicolas Jackson’s second minute header with a corner although Matheus Cunha equalised.
Palmer scored a brilliant second goal only for Wolves’ Norwegian striker Jorgen Strand Larsen to equalise in the sixth minute of stoppage time.
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But the England international then created all three goals for Madueke with each of the moves a carbon copy of each other.
Palmer was then involved in the build-up for new arrival Joao Felix to score on his debut since signing permanently.
While the next week is likely to be a busy one in terms of transfers out of the club, at least Chelsea manager Enzo Maresca has got off the mark in the Premier League.
Nevertheless, Maresca needs to sort out his back four while reminding Enzo Fernandez to break into a sweat occasionally.
After doing his bit for Wolverhampton’s tourist information, Madueke suffered a torrent of abuse from the start although he came close to scoring after just 70 seconds but his shot was pushed away by Jose Sa.
Yet Cunha flicked on the resulting corner from Palmer towards the back post and Jackson was completely unmarked to score with an easy header.
Then came the first of several scuffles as Wolves’ players reacted to Jackson’s celebration in front of the home crowd.
Yet Chelsea’s defence looked fragile and it was no surprise that Wolves scored.
Moises Caicedo lost possession, Ait-Nouri surged forward, danced around Fernandez and then prodded the ball out wide to Cunha who drilled a shot into the middle of the goal.
Once again, there was an issue after the goal, with Jackson reacting angrily to a gesture from Lemina.
Ref Darren England was too lenient. And despite all the handbags stuff, Ait-Nouri became the first to be booked although he was still cheered for his tackle on yes, you’ve guessed it, Madueke.
Blues keeper Robert Sanchez was guilty of overcomplicating things at the back with the ball at his feet but he decided to go route one – and it worked.
Although the ball still seemed to be rolling when Sanchez kicked the ball, Jackson hooked the punt into the direction of Palmer.
Spotting that Sa had wandered off his line, Palmer produced an exquisite lob from outside the area.
With that goal in the 45th minute, you would have expected a decent team to preserve that lead. But in the sixth minute of stoppage time, this extraordinary, roller-coaster game kept on giving.
There was a lack of a challenge on Wolves defender Toti who headed Ait-Nouri’s free-kick across to Strand Larsen and he stuck out a leg to score.
Former Wolves favourite Pedro Neto got a good reception from the home crowd when replacing the anonymous Mykhailo Mudryk at half-time and once again, this absolutely bonkers game swung back in Chelsea’s favour.
Wolves switched off at a quickly-taken free-kick and Palmer played the ball out wide to Madueke. His shot took a heavy deflection off Ait-Nouri, giving Sa no chance.
While that effort was fortunate, there was nothing lucky about Madueke’s second and Chelsea’s fourth.
It was similar to his first with Cole once again delivering the assist in a similar position but this time, Madueke hammered his shot through the legs of Sa.
Remarkably, and ridiculously, it happened again. Wolves’ Joao Gomes lost possession and Palmer rolled the ball into the path of Madueke who beat Sa at his near post.
Just when Chelsea’s fans thought their day could not get any better, Felix clipped the ball into the net after Neto squared a pass from Palmer.
Chelsea go to Servette in the Europa Conference League play-offs on Thursday but they should be fine.
But the team’s next away game in the Premier League is on September 14 so maybe Madueke should return to social media on the night before and slag off Bournemouth.
Madueke did issue an apology to the people of Wolverhampton after the clash too, but not for sticking three past them in their own back yard.
He said: “I want to apologise to anyone I might have offended. I’s just a human mistake, it’s an accident, it wasn’t meant to be out on my socials like that.
“I’m sure Wolverhampton is a lovely town, I’m sorry. In terms of the boos, I expected it, but it’s part of the game.”
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