This week’s sex diary.
This week, a working mom of twins prepares for a marathon of sex when her husband returns home from touring: 38, married, New York.
DAY ONE
6 a.m. I wake up with a pounding headache. I can’t believe I slept in my clothes. I’m wearing a long leather skirt and a cotton sweater that’s all twisted around my body and I feel gross. Why did I drink so much last night?
7 a.m. Just on time, my 4-year old twins open the bedroom door and say they want waffles. At this point, I’ve taken off my clothes and am just lying in bed naked with the covers on. I tell them: “Of course, honey-bunnies.”
7:30 a.m. Ask my kids how the babysitter was last night. One says he loved her, but he was crying for me. Ugh, mom guilt. Still, last night was fun — my husband has been away for three weeks touring with a band (he’s their manager), and I went out because my friend was celebrating her divorce. We all got very drunk.
9 a.m. I get my sons to school and jump in the shower. I feel nauseous, but my husband is coming home tonight, so I decide I better shave my legs. He travels so much that when he comes home he always wants to have sex. Like, all the time, he is just raring to go. It’s exhausting, and the sex itself is whatever, even though my husband thinks he’s a rock star.
1 p.m. I’m so tired, but I have to get to work. I’m a part-time nurse for a private practice, and today I have to cover for a friend for a few hours.
3 p.m. At work. Still feel like garbage and I’m stressed because my husband is coming home to a messy house with no groceries. I just have no time.
6 p.m. Finish work and pick up my kids from their after-school programs. Now I’m dead tired. My husband texts that his flight is delayed, which means I’ll be asleep when he comes home.
8 p.m. Kids are asleep and I’m about to pass out.
DAY TWO
7 a.m. I am so annoyed. My husband got home in the middle of the night and woke me up to have sex. Who does that? I told him that there was no way! But then I couldn’t fall back asleep. Now he’s sleeping in and I’m up doing the waffles.
9 a.m. Husband is awake, so he takes the boys to school. He’s a great dad and is cute with them, and I love him. But I’m still annoyed by last night! This always happens — the first few days he gets back from traveling things are just so sexually loaded. Honestly, it takes away from the pleasure of being together as a family.
10 a.m. Husband comes back with some nice things from the bakery. We start to kiss and fool around. We go to our bedroom, and he goes down on me. He’s very good at it, but I tend to come from penetration, so I always pull him up and tell him to fuck me. Today we both come, which is nice.
3 p.m. Spend most of the day cleaning up the apartment and listening to music. We share most of these responsibilities when he’s home. I don’t think he realizes how much work it is for me when he’s gone.
5 p.m. Take the boys out for pizza.
9 p.m. My husband and I are watching a movie on Netflix. He starts kissing me. I’m more interested in the movie, but eventually I get on top of him and fuck him until he comes. We kiss when the sex is over, clean ourselves up, and finish the film.
DAY THREE
7 a.m. I have to be at work early, so my husband gets the kids ready today.
11 a.m. At work. My friend, another nurse at this practice, is having an affair with one of the doctors. No one knows, but she’s told me all about it. Today we go to lunch and gossip — she tells me that they’re going to a medical conference in Arizona together. She also says he’s pretty kinky and likes to suck her toes. I love getting inside scoop and feel zero judgment. Whatever!
3 p.m. Afternoon coffee. Will I ever feel well rested again?
6 p.m. Home just in time for taco night. It’s nice to have a meal and a glass of wine waiting for me.
7 p.m. In the bath. My husband does the bedtime routine with the kids.
9 p.m. In bed trying to read. My husband comes over and starts to flirt. I decide to blow him, since I’m not in the mood for sex. He rarely comes from oral, but I tell him that he has to because it’s all he’s getting. He has a loud, twitchy orgasm.
DAY FOUR
7 a.m. Waffles and packing up the kids for school.
9 a.m. Take a hot yoga class, which I do maybe three times a year. It’s hard, but it feels amazing.
11:30 a.m. Come home, and my husband immediately wants to go down on me. He always wants to do this after I work out — it’s the closest thing to a fetish he has, as far as I know. I say no and get in the shower.
3 p.m. Furniture shopping around the city. We want to redo our apartment this spring. My husband is kind of insufferable when it comes to design. He thinks he has great, edgy taste when he’s basically into West Elm.
5 p.m. Pick the boys up and attempt to introduce them to sushi. It doesn’t go well. They are acting wild at dinner and we take the sushi to go.
7 p.m. Home. The boys are still acting crazy, and my husband and I are pretty beat down by them.
9:30 p.m. I’m in bed and my husband is in the living room watching a basketball game. I text him that I’m going to sleep and add: “Please don’t wake me up to fuck me. Seriously!”
DAY FIVE
7 a.m. Saturday, but I have a shift. I kiss the kids good-bye. Husband is looking after them today.
10 a.m. My nurse friend having the affair says shit hit the fan last night. I guess the doctor’s wife saw a text from her. Now she’s afraid she’s going to get fired. That would be really unfair, but sadly, I have a feeling that she’s going to suffer the most in this situation.
2 p.m. My husband brings the kids by the office to say a quick hello and see everyone. It’s not the best day for this since things are so awkward, but everyone perks up when they see my boys. They really are such cuties.
6 p.m. I’m home and drained as usual. I make pasta for everyone and pour a glass of wine for myself. My husband is flirting with me and I’m okay with it, but sex is the last thing I’m interested in right now.
9 p.m. I tell my husband I’m going to lie down and pass out. He doesn’t bug me.
DAY SIX
9 a.m. We’re taking the boys upstate to go skiing today. Both my husband and I are skiers, and it was a huge part of our childhoods. Hoping to instill that in the boys.
1 p.m. Damn. One of our sons fell pretty hard and is down for the count. He’s fine, but it was scary and his knees are bleeding. My husband keeps skiing while I deal with this.
3 p.m. My son is still upset and is very much ready to go home. My husband tries to talk to him about “being a man,” which I don’t love. Boys should be able to cry! They don’t need to be tough all the time. I’m pissed at my husband and he knows it.
6 p.m. Finally home. Husband and I gave each other the silent treatment in the car. All I want to do is take a hot shower and go to bed. But first we have to get the boys to sleep.
9 p.m. Boys are in bed, and I’m sick of my husband. He’s apologized, but I’m just sick of him. He’s always in my space when he’s home. He’s traveling again in a few days, and, honestly, I can’t wait for him to get out of here.
10 p.m. When he comes to bed I’m still up, reading. He tries to kiss and cuddle me, but right now I just want to read and go to sleep. I tell him we’ll have hot sex tomorrow. He leaves the bedroom, sulking. Jesus Christ.
DAY SEVEN
8 a.m. I love Mondays. It means my kids go back to school and my husband is preparing to leave for another tour. He has a few meetings out of the house today, and I’m delighted to hear he’s “slammed.”
Noon Quiet house. No boys. I take out my vibrator and let my mind wander. I come pretty quickly but regret it since I promised my husband sex tonight and I think I only have one good orgasm in me today.
5 p.m. Pick the boys up from school and grab Shake Shack for dinner on the way home.
8 p.m. Husband comes home. I’m in bed, wiped out. But I always make good on my promises. He takes off his coat and washes his hands. I say: “Come here, baby.”
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