6 Simple Mindset Shifts That'll Change Your Approach To New Year's Resolutions

Is it just us, or has giving up on New Year’s resolutions become as routine as making them? It happens every year: you enter January full of hope and ambition for the new year, only to watch all that motivation drain away under seasonal depression and post-holiday blues. By February, research has found, over 80 percent of us will have ditched our resolutions altogether — if we even made any to begin with.

According to Pew Research Center, 70 percent of Americans don’t make resolutions at all. And while that’s one solution — and definitely an option if resolution simply don’t work for you — we don’t think that’s the only solve for this problem. After all, having goals is a good thing, as long as they’re goals we can actually accomplish. So how do you set yourself up for success with your New Years resolutions, when all the data is against you?

For Dr. Rachel Goldman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, helping people create resolutions that stick has become a running theme. “I love this time of year, because so many people think that January is a time to hit that reset button,” Goldman, aka Dr. Rachel, tells SheKnows. That perspective is motivating for some people, but for others, it creates a suffocating sense of pressure and obligation.

More often than not, New Year’s resolutions are “big, lofty goals” that lack an actual plan of attack, Dr. Rachel explains. These are resolutions like “get healthier,” “lose weight,” or “stop drinking” — good goals, in theory, but so broad you don’t even know where to start when the calendar hits Jan. 1.

New Year’s Resolutions Mindset Shifts

We have a few tips for changing this. Below, Dr. Rachel suggests seven ways to shift your mindset around New Year’s resolutions so that these big goals will feel less overwhelming and more like things you can actually achieve. By next December, we want you to look back on your resolutions and be able to check them off with that sense of satisfaction we all love.

Frame your goals as tweaks. “Change, good or not so good, is really overwhelming,” Dr. Rachel explains. “And when things are overwhelming, we end up just throwing the towel in and giving up.” Instead of setting a massive resolution, start super small; ease yourself in. “We don’t need an overhaul. We don’t need major life changes in order to start feeling better,” Dr. Rachel says. “It’s the small tweaks that actually make a difference.”

Make SMART resolutions. In this case, SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound — all things you want your resolution to be. For example “be healthier this year” is not a SMART goal, as it’s too broad and can’t be measured. “Go to sleep 10 minutes earlier three days a week” is a SMART goal, or “work out for at least 10 minutes, four days a week.” It’s the difference between setting a goal that’s amorphous and overwhelming, and setting one that has a built-in plan. “If we are setting SMART goals, even as resolutions, and we put a plan in place, I truly believe that anybody can accomplish what they want to,” Dr. Rachel says.

Start where you are. “How can we make your goals more realistic, given your life today?” That’s the question Dr. Rachel recommends asking at the outset, when you’re setting your goals. “We want to think ahead but also look at your current life right now.” Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others, or even yourself at different periods of your life. Sure, maybe you could go to the gym five days a week back in your 20s — but now you have kids, or more job responsibilities, or more chores at home. It’s OK if two or three days a week is more realistic for you now, especially if it’s more than what you’re doing currently. Any progress counts. Relatedly…

Ditch the all-or-nothing thinking. It’s best to be flexible with your mindset, both when you’re setting goals and when you’re trying to meet them. “Plans don’t always go as planned,” Dr. Rachel points out. Instead of setting goals that require 100 percent compliance — like “go to the gym every day” or “be in bed by 9 p.m. every night” — she recommends factoring in wiggle room from the start. That means replacing those “every day”‘s with “three days a week” or “most days of the week.” You’re giving yourself grace for the unforeseen circumstances, like a sick kid keeping you home from the gym or a long night at work making it impossible to hit an early bed time. “Get away from the all-or-nothing thinking, and shift to something is better than nothing,” Dr. Rachel says.

Choose self-compassion over self-criticism. “Life is going to happen,” Dr. Rachel points out — it’s the very idea that inspired her forthcoming book, When Life Happens. Don’t take yourself to task for dropping a few days or even a few weeks behind on your goals; instead, use it as an opportunity to reset and re-commit. “Getting really flexible with your thinking and showing yourself that self-compassion over the self-criticism is really key,” she says, especially for parents with packed schedules.

Maintenance can be a goal, too. If you’re already at capacity, now is probably not the time to set your most massive New Year’s resolution — or any resolution at all. “I often remind people that a goal can also be to maintain what you’re currently doing, and that’s often enough,” Dr. Rachel says. “So during really stressful times… don’t add more to the plate.” Before you officially set a resolution, ask yourself what’s working for you now and what isn’t. “If it’s working, why are we changing it?” she says. “Just keep doing it.”