Fifteen months after welcoming her first baby Holland, Ireland Baldwin is still trying to get her head above water. The 28-year-old model opened up about feeling “engulfed by motherhood” in a vulnerable new blog post, and our hearts go out to her.
Baldwin sent out a new Substack email to subscribers today, in which she apologized for her absence. “I guess you could say I have been… engulfed by motherhood,” she wrote in part. “I mean like Godzilla crushing up and swallowing up a school bus of small children.” What a heartbreaking — and jarring! — picture of how she’s feeling inside.
In the post, Baldwin talked about transitioning from working as a model to working as a full-time writer, which was only made possible with the help of her “partner/baby daddy/boyfriend” RAC (born André Allen Anjos). “As a stay at home mom who is, like I said, ENGULFED in motherhood, I need this more than you’ll know,” she said. “Or maybe you mom’s out there with creative passions REALLY know what I mean.”
But even though it’s important to her, Baldwin hasn’t been able to post every week like she originally said she would. “I have been deeply struggling with time management and finding any time to do anything for myself,” she wrote. And even though she’s traveled and had “plenty of adventures this summer,” Baldwin is consumed by thoughts of motherhood.
“Every single minute of the day is spent thinking about my daughter,” she said. “What am I feeding her next? Did she eat enough? Where’s her water? Is that a bump on her head? Is she concussed? What if she slips into a coma in her sleep? Maybe we should go swimming since it’s nice out? What if she dry drowns? Should we go to the museum instead? Or the park? She seems a little sniffly. Am I teaching her enough? Am I speaking to her enough. I’m exhausted. What time is it?”
Just reading that is exhausting because it’s a reminder of the constant stream of thoughts that many moms experience in their daily lives. We are tired! “I honestly don’t know how us mom’s do it,” she said, adding that “every ounce of my patience, my focus, my thought stream, my excitement, my craziness, my energy… goes to this little girl.”
She signed off as being the “CEO of having one brain cell left,” and oh my goodness is that relatable. Parenting is a lot of work, especially when you have babies or toddlers at home. It doesget easier — but the worry and questions never truly go away. I will go days without answering texts (or completely forget to ever respond), forget to pay bills, miss deadlines, and more, all because of the mental load I’m constantly carrying as a mom. It’s tough, and I love how Baldwin is raising awareness of it with her raw admission.
Baldwin, who is the daughter of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, has been open and honest about her postpartum journey over the months. In February, she shared a photo of herself in a bra and panties, writing, “9 months postpartum and I’m far from where I want to be but I’m over the hump and finally finding time to get this ass into shape. Not necessarily working out everyday, but making strides to be more consistent. Walk more. Move more.”
“Just wanted to do a solidarity post with anyone who’s having a tough time getting inspired to change bad habits/work on yourself,” she continued. “I still have days where I binge eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies for dinner but that’s OK! It took 7-9 months to even start to lose any baby weight or care to … and anyone who makes you feel bad for going at your own pace or not being enough can suck it.”
She summed up postpartum (and motherhood in general, TBH) like this: “This sh*t is HARD. Be kind to yourself ????”
This is a good reminder, whether you’re dealing with postpartum stuff or motherhood anxiety or any of the other multitude of ways being a mom affects you. You’ve got this!
