DEAR ABBY: For more than seven years, my partner and I have been in a romantic relationship. He’s 67; I’m 53.
In the past, our connection was full of affection. We would hold hands, kiss and hug in public.
However, over the past year, his affection has diminished. While I trust that he still loves me, I suspect he no longer finds me attractive.
I have spoken to him about it and explained the effect this is having on my self-esteem, and that I cry myself to sleep. He attributes his lack of passion to exhaustion, despite having plenty of energy for other activities.
I don’t know what to do because he refuses to seek counseling. Please help.
— ROMANTIC LADY IN TEXAS
DEAR LADY: Because your partner refuses to seek counseling doesn’t mean that you couldn’t benefit from it.
His diminished interest in affection, and everything that goes with it, is not necessarily a reflection on you.
Some males in his age bracket experience a lack of interest in sex. However, when they see the effect it may have on their partner, they consult a specialist to ask if anything can be done about it. Your partner’s doctor could refer him to someone, but only if he’s willing to ask.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been pet owners for 30 years. Our last beloved dog passed away six months ago.
We are in our late 50s and still work full time. We agreed we would not get any more animals because we would like to travel without worry for a change.
My sister has a big old dog that is good-natured and well-mannered, and she’s hinting for me to keep him so she can go stay in her son’s condo in Florida that allows no pets. Her dog may be well-mannered, but he drools and shakes his head, and all that flies all over my house and furniture. Yuck!
After our last pooch died, we cleaned our house, bought new rugs and got rid of the dog odor. We are not ready for any more animals in our home. I commute to my job by train and, frankly, don’t have time to watch her dog.
I recommended a friend of mine who would take good care of the dog.
Since then, my sister has stopped answering my calls and texts.
I feel bad, but her animal is not my responsibility. My husband and I don’t want to share our home with her 89-pound dog. Her request was presumptuous, but I still feel guilty.
What should I do? Just deal with the silence? I don’t feel I deserve the punishment I’m receiving.
— IN THE DOGHOUSE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR DOGHOUSE: What you do now is stick to your guns and refuse to knuckle under to your sister’s emotional blackmail. She should have accepted your refusal to be the answer to her big, jowly, drooly problem with grace.
You have been a responsible pet owner. You were kind to recommend someone who would take good care of your sister’s furry family member, and you have the right to enjoy your freedom now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
