MCSWEENEY’S

“We must journey forth,” commanded the good Wizard Byroncorn to Luanne Wyldsmith, the graceful ager and chosen one, user of hyaluronic face potions and seeker of bargain discounts. “Why do you dally so?”

Though her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to believe that they were an average middle-class Black family. They encouraged her to pursue her dreams and told her that if she worked hard enough, she’d achieve them. The small catch was that Walker’s dream was an elusive one for any cash-strapped and undereducated Black woman: being a New York Times–bestselling author. Now, as a published non-bestselling author, she wishes she’d had a backup plan. Читать дальше...

I rock large appliances and furniture back and forth, ensuring that my body is beneath them.

And on a Thursday afternoon, God created the #Revelation Slack Channel.

I can tell what you’re all thinking. Those guys in the other locker room are bigger than us. Stronger. Faster. Hell, they even got prettier cheerleaders. Moms who bake better cookies. Uncles who’re more conscious of their prejudices and are doing the work to listen and learn.

When the world died, all that was left was chaos. All that awaited us was death. Living in the ashes of our civilization, I’ve learned two things: I can rely only on myself, and I am the only person in this whole wasteland who still drives a sensible car.

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Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly column, in which Katie Heindl (author of the beloved Basketball Feelings) writes about the WNBA for both longtime fans and the casual observer. If you want to follow along and bypass the paywall, pick up a Believer digital-only subscription. For just $16 a year, you’ll also have full access to the magazine’s complete two-decade archive, including the most recent issue. Читать дальше...

Dear Joseph (we’re both adults, so I can call you by your first name),

“Nikki Haley says she’ll vote for Trump, despite previously saying he’s ‘not qualified’ to be president.” – ABC News, 5/22/24

To outsiders, my multimillion-dollar artisanal pickle company may look like an overnight success, but I can assure you it was the result of a lot of hard work. Yes, my father is the number-one producer of pickles worldwide, but please don’t be so crass as to suggest that my success has anything to do with his. I make sweet pickles, not dill—it’s an entirely different industry.